Celebrating Your Journey-Lifeskills in Synergy

Relationships…through the good times and bad, part 2

2012-01-20T10:15:00.009-06:00

No matter the good times or the bad, what one thing holds your family together through both? That was the question I asked in the last article. After listing some of the responses last week on this question, I received several more. Surprisingly, many were again focused on their fervent faith in God, caring for one another, and hope for the future. Here they are:

God as the head of our family
Respect for each other
Submission to the Lordship of Christ! (Bet you know who this one respectfully came from—a passionate pastor of course!)
God is in control of our lives—our hope, trust and faith allow us to continue to follow, Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, through the good and bad times (no, didn’t come from another pastor, just a very passionate Jesus follower)
Depending upon one another, offering comfort and support—knowing we are not alone but have one another
Talking about and sharing all our joys and/or sorrows
Sharing experiences together; and in the enjoyment of these experiences, laughing together
Chill out and don’t take yourself too seriously; enjoy being an imperfect human being
Believing and knowing in your heart things will always get better

From all the responses, I have been encouraged to see that people are still more assured of their future and lives than I assumed—at least from the sampling received. I would hope this would be true for not just our own community but our nation as well. And that maybe I should consider my own faith attitude and perspective on the good times and bad.

Sometimes in the middle of a hectic day or week, I forget that I have an opportunity to rely on more than myself to get through the day and my life. My readers’ responses have helped me reflect on how important our faith is no matter what we are going through—good or bad.

So, as you consider your own good times and bad, Paul Harvey, again, said it better than most. “In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.” A nice closing response to my question, I would say. Wouldn’t you?

Relationships…through the good times and the bad

2012-01-13T09:59:00.003-06:00

No matter the good times or the bad, what one thing holds your family together through both? I decided to contact some people to hear what they put at the top of their list. Here’s are the responses:

· Acts of Kindness Every Day
· Be a role model – walk your talk
· Be flexible & calm
· Commitment for a Lifetime
· Don’t try to control other people
· Encourage family unity
· Encourage the dreams of the other
· Family First
· Harmony that brings peace and contentment
· Laughter together, not at
· Listening
· Love & Duty
· Our Faith in the Lord
· Praying Together

Is your top one missing here? If so, send it my way and will add to this in the next article.

For many families, problems and crises comes in many packages. It may be related to career, money, infidelity, divorce, special needs children, teens making at risk choices, health challenges, a death in the family or close friend, even from laziness to lawsuits. How these circumstances are handled in one’s family depends on holding fast to the value of family, with humility, honesty, and genuine love one for another. Then, we will be able and willing to sacrifice for each other to keep the family together.

One thing not on the above list is the family meal, which is often a rare occurrence today. I believe the family meal at home does more for keeping the family intact than most any other daily routine. Francine du Plessix Gray, a Pulitzer Prize-nominated writer and literary critic, considers the family meal an integral part of caring for one another and holding families together. “The act of nutrition is not a purely physiological event... The family meal is a formality that cultivates in us... a capacity for sharing, generosity, thoughtfulness, a talent for civilized conversation.”

Here’s another gem. Let me leave you for now with a simple but powerful truth that has been at the top of Mother Teresa’s priority for families. “Let us make one point, that we meet each other with a smile, when it is difficult to smile. Smile at each other, make time for each other in your family.”

TIME & MONEY . . . CHOICES, Is it time to PLAN?

2012-01-06T10:52:00.000-06:00

Now that the holidays are past and a New Year has begun, can you say “Money Isn’t Everything?” We may all want to believe this, but most of us are far from living it. Just ask someone who barely makes it through their month’s paycheck, and you might hear a different phrase—or two! Yes, money can buy a house, but not a home. Money can buy a bed, but no sleep. Money can buy a clock, but not time . . . and the list goes on. What about our often times mixed up view of love and money? Then, haven’t we all been tempted to put that dollar down on that sure-fire lottery ticket?

Ellen Goldstein from Bankrate.com interviewed eight lottery winners who spent their millions. “For a lot of people, winning the lottery is the American dream. But for many lottery winners, the reality is more like a nightmare.” [i] One woman won the New Jersey lottery not once but twice, totaling $5.4 million. Today the money is all gone and she lives in a trailer. For many, the money is spent within the first eighteen months. They just couldn’t say “No” to everyone who wanted a piece of the pie . . . a relative, a business partner, themselves. They were constantly trying to please their family or gamble it away hoping to win more. In hindsight, they admitted they were careless and foolish with each decision. Most were more heavily in debt after the windfall disappeared than before it arrived!

How do you insure you won’t experience the same unfortunate outcome? How would you safeguard your windfall if you were lucky enough to win a lottery or inherit? How should you take care of what you already have?

With conscious planning, forward action, and discipline, you can begin to safeguard your money and time; and help you form a solid foundation that will directly impact every area of your life. For now, focus on:

· STRATEGICALLY PLANNING THE USE OF YOUR TIME AND MONEY

Remember, facing our motives about our dreams and goals also holds true for how we spend our money. Your time and money are intricately involved in the process of goal setting and daily living—where you live, work, utilize services, and every daily routine such as showering, breakfast, reading the paper, and watching your favorite TV program.

Plans are short-term and long-term—now, one month, one year, five years, ten years, life legacy. It may seem too much to think about all of these things at first. Be encouraged that life changes do not happen all at once. Taking one step at a time makes success possible. Most life goals are built on small daily steps toward a larger goal. As you look over your daily life, you may have portions of your goals already set in place!

Here is an easy tip to begin your strategic planning. Place those core values, dreams, and goals you listed last week on a large sheet of paper. Initially focus on three dreams and three goals, then prioritize them using four columns titled:

Core Values (1st column)
Dreams & Goals (2nd column)
Set SMART Date (3rd column)
Contact people (4th column)

This one-page life plan worksheet will provide a useful beginning as a routine reference for ongoing discussion and feedback with family, friends, and other contact people. You will be surprised how many may want to help you and be a part of your dreams and goals. Start a life plan notebook with this worksheet for you and your family.

Time and money management is really life management the SMART way (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic/Relevant, Time-phased). Sadly, for many Americans today, no more than about 10% establish a life plan. The majority fall into one of these—no plan, wrong plan, outdated plan. People rarely achieve what they do not plan and work for. I encourage you to be one of those 10% who commit to an ongoing strategic life plan.

It is important to understand that although planning may set the course, it doesn’t always control the outcome. Knowing how to bend with the breeze or twisting gale is a precious gift to hold near. Achievements are great, but life is truly lived by the lessons we learn and the relationships we are blessed with.

These truths do not make planning irrelevant. Quite the contrary, we have all heard the axiom, “People who fail to plan, plan to fail.” Strategic planning definitely helps tip the scale more in your favor.

So, venture out and begin your journey by asking yourself these questions: “Am I having fun yet?” What drives the gears of my clock? How do I change the way I use my time and money? Where is my passion for life? Then write it down! The next several issues will go into more detail on Fitting Your Plans into Your Life & Relationships. In the meantime, Zig Ziglar, a prominent motivational speaker and consultant, sums up our reasons for strategic planning:

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.”

[i] Goldstein, Ellen. Eight lottery winners who lost their millions. MSM Money. http://moneycentral.msn.com. Accessed November 12, 2005.

Celebrate Your Family Legacy, part 2

2011-12-30T13:52:00.006-06:00

In the past 30 years, the family, the basic unit of all societies, have been adapting itself to new challenges and opportunities. Families are also changing its structure and types of activities to help cope with new realities and enhance the quality of their lives.

The baby boomer generation (born 1944+/-1964) is one of the largest peoples groups of the older age population. While this generation continues to age, Generation X (born 1965+/-1982) will share caregiving responsibilities with the largest generational population yet, Generation Y—or Millennials. This Gen Y offspring is 70 million strong, born between 1977+/-1995. Accelerating social and economic change is posing new challenges and opportunities for this largest and newest adult generation—preparing the youth for productive life roles.

Millennials are also increasingly diverse. One in five have at least one immigrant parent; one in ten at least one non-citizen parent. According to CH Hartill, PhD, Assistant Dean, Butler University, Understanding Millennials, this generation has a variety of advantages—older parents, smaller families, therefore more resources & parental time, more firstborns (roughly 40%) and singletons (approximately 10%), more parental education—one in four Millennials have at least one parent with a four-year degree or higher, and, believe it or not, reduced divorce rates.

Along with the baby boomers and Gen X reaching older ages, Gen Y is a new feature of the 21st century. These generations are connected in more than just size and era. The prospects of these generations will significantly depend on the strength, adaptability and foresight of their families and how they contribute to their own care, the community, and our nation.

In the last article, you were encouraged to plan your celebration of giving in eleven life arenas that support your core values, life goals, career, budget, and friendships. Whether you contribute time, money, materials, or message, there are individuals in your neighborhood and around the world that need your help. The heart-felt rewards of giving are far beyond the gift itself.

The first six were BASIC CORE VALUES & PRINCIPLES, HOME/FAMILY/VALUES, RELIGIOUS ORGANIZATIONS/ CHURCH/MISSIONS, HISTORY/WESTERN CULTURE, PUBLIC POLICY/DOMESTIC AND INTERNATIONAL AFFAIRS, and SCIENCE/MEDICINE. Here are the other five:

VII. BUSINESS AND LEGAL ISSUES: Organizations that support and train business leaders and legal advisors to advance integrity, honesty, and excellence in the work place and our nation’s legal system.

VIII. EDUCATION/CHILD DEVELOPMENT: Organizations that train young children, teens, and adults to be mature, informed, effective leaders in every field of life.

IX. MEDIA/ENTERTAINMENT/CULTURAL DISCERNMENT: Organizations that support your core values in entertainment, news, cultural trends, and influence the media to improve the quality of programming.

X. SOCIAL MINISTRIES: Organizations whose mission is to provide an alternative to state-run welfare programs with effective, compassionate ministries to the underserved, needy and unfortunate.

XI. IMPLEMENTATION: Organizations that coordinate and mobilize leaders across society to improve their communities and the world.

Remember, as with the first six life arenas, there are many creative ways to give and show benevolence (e.g. purchase of materials to publications, giving goods and materials, tax and estate planning, money gifts, time and effort). Celebrate the love and life that surround you. Help this young and growing adult generation embrace the values and compassion for humanity, beginning with your own family. Open your heart and eyes to all the possibilities for your family, community, nation. May you then experience an exceptionally creative, appreciative, and abundant New Year! See you in 2012!

Celebrate Your Family Legacy, part 1

2011-12-23T13:47:00.008-06:00

As you gather all your photos together and childhood treasures to scrapbook and box them for lasting memories, Kimberly Powell has other ways to celebrate your family’s heritage http://genealogy.about.com/cs/holidays/a/family_history.htm). Beside the simple and high tech ways I mentioned in earlier articles, here are Powell’s additional creative suggestions. First, get started tracing your family tree; then start your own family cookbook; record family stories; uncover your family health history; take a trip back in time by visiting sites of importance to your family (e.g. your old family homestead, the country from which your ancestors migrated, the hillside where you played as a child, or the cemetery where great-grandpa is buried. If none match, then consider a trip to an historical museum, battlefield, or re-enactment event that relates to the history of your family.); craft a heritage gift (e.g. from picture frame Christmas ornaments to heritage quilts); and create an annual family picture calendar using your computer.

Your family heritage is wonderful to celebrate. Yet, contributing to the lives of others goes a long way toward preserving your legacy for your community and across our nation. There are many ways to contribute. There are also many life arenas you can impact throughout your life and legacy.

As you celebrate the holidays and the gift of giving, consider how you can make all the difference in everyone’s lives. There are approximately eleven life arenas to share your legacy. The first six are:

I. BASIC CORE VALUES & PRINCIPLES: Organizations that support your core values and life principles.

II. HOME/FAMILY/VALUES: Organizations that encourage and support the family, home, and core human values.

III. RELIGIOUS ORGANIZATIONS/ CHURCH/MISSIONS: Organizations that support your faith and desire for outreach to humanity.

IV. HISTORY/WESTERN CULTURE: Organizations that support your values and principles in global human affairs and lessons of history.

V. PUBLIC POLICY/DOMESTIC AND INTERNATIONAL AFFAIRS: Organizations supporting human justice and compassion in legislation, domestic policy, and international relations.

VI. SCIENCE/MEDICINE: Organizations that seek truth in our universe and life on earth; observe and understand the natural world from a scientific and spiritual perspective. Be cautious about certain perspectives that may have extreme views and inappropriately discount the faith dimensions, credible scientific discoveries, and the principles of macro- and micro- adaptation.

Plan your giving in each arena into your core values, life goals, career, budget, and friendships. Benevolence and giving are genuine expressions of compassion and love to humanity. Whether you contribute time, money, materials, or message, there are individuals in your neighborhood and around the world that need your help. The heart-felt rewards of giving are far beyond the gift itself.

Experience the joy and satisfaction of helping humanity in your own community and across the oceans. You may be surprised at how many ways you do give already. Feel free to email me and request the related handout to list the ways you are currently giving and want to give in the future whether to individuals, organizations, institutions, ministries, and churches. It is important to investigate each work for its integrity and stability before supporting that person or organization.

Remember, there are many creative ways to give and show benevolence (e.g. purchase of materials to publications, giving goods and materials, tax and estate planning, money gifts, time and effort). Be creative in every life arena. The next article for December will cover the other five life arenas for benevolence and giving. In the meantime, have a very creative, appreciative, and abundant Christmas and New Year!

How do you like to Celebrate?

2011-12-20T13:40:00.001-06:00

When you hear some good news about something you’ve waited forever for, how do you celebrate your Hoorays!? Getting out that vintage bottle of champagne or chardonnay is always a pleasant tradition. Yet, I hope drinking and getting drunk isn’t your first priority for celebrating. If so, maybe it’s time to broaden your creative horizons on how to celebrate good news.

Here’s your opportunity to think about how you would like to have a fun and wholesome good time with good news. When it comes to celebrating, most of the time, we go out to dinner, to a movie, or just put up our feet and do absolutely nothing for at least part of the day. These are fine simple ways to say to yourself, “Congratulations.” Yet, celebrating is much more than just saying, “Wow, I’m so glad that job is over, and I don’t have to think about it for another six months.”

Celebrating involves some creative thinking in order to get out of our routine rejoicing rut we’ve been accustomed to for so many years. Are you ready to have fun with some planning? If so, check your “this is just more work” attitude at the door and say hello to your long dormant creativity and confidence-building for really celebrating! As Zig Ziglar, notable motivational speaker, quips, “Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a rowboat and taking the tartar sauce with you.” Creativity comes alive with that kind of confidence! Are you ready? Let’s get started.

Throughout each month this year, certain life skill topics have been covered—Relationships/Core Values, Time Management, Career/Money Management, Recordkeeping, Home/Vehicle/Possessions, Housekeeping, Wellness, Meals, Childcare, Recreation/Entertainment, Reflection—and this month, Celebration.

As you followed along this year, you have focused on your core value, how you use your time, your career choice, how you spend your money, keep your records, take care of your possessions, clean your house, reach for higher wellness, more enjoyable, nutritious meals, nurture your children, choose wholesome entertainment and outdoor recreation. As you reflected on these life skills, you have come away with a greater awareness, understanding, and commitment to the life you want to seek, reach, and achieve.

This month it’s time to celebrate your personal wins in those life skill areas. So, choose which areas you and your family would like to celebrate throughout the December holidays and beyond. But remember, don’t fill this month so full you lose the simple pleasures of quiet moments by yourself and with your own family.

Here are a few sample ideas from three life skill areas to consider any time:
Time Management
Goal accomplished—Mom and Dad were able to cut down ten extra hours of work per week away from home in order to have the family together more often.
Celebration—Children, Jason and Mary, decide to treat parents to a night out with “the kids", all expenses paid “by the kids” (e.g. dinner and a show; dinner and miniature golf; a day at Fiesta Texas Entertainment Park or some other theme park).

Career/Money Management
Goal accomplished—As a sideline, passion, and possible future career, Dad finally finished writing and publishing his first fictional short story.
Celebration—Mom and the kids arrange a surprise writer's party for Dad. House decorated accordingly; even dressed up as the characters in his story. Being wildly creative to tell Dad how great he is.

As you confidently create simple and elaborate celebrations for you and your family, remember to celebrate each moment, the gift of this day, and the breath you breathe. You will then begin to experience the simple joys and treasure of relationships you may have taken for granted. But no longer!

Resources:
Celebrations That Touch the Heart: Creative Ideas to Make Your Holidays and Special Events Meaningful by Brenda Poinsett. WaterBrook Press (October 16, 2001)
Roses: Beautiful Ideas for Home and Celebration by Antonia Swinson. Ryland Peters & Small (January 15, 2006)
Sweet Smarts for Sweethearts: Savvy Advice & Fun Ideas for Celebrating Love Honor Books (December 2004)

Celebrating baking and breaking moments

2011-12-16T13:39:00.000-06:00

Yesterday morning as I sat down in my office to tackle the pile of work in front of me, I booted up my computer to start replying to the accumulated emails. Yet, to my frustration, the internet connection was down….nothing coming in, nothing going out.

I sat there for a moment rethinking a work around. Then my husband came into my office saying he was going to bake some whole wheat bread from scratch, and would I like to join him. Since it was his first time at this adventure, he felt he needed a little supervision. Do I stay here and try to figure out how to get some work done or have fun baking some bread with my favorite person in the world?

No contest! Break time for baking bread won out. So, John pulled out our mixer and whole grain grinding mill. Being the orderly and creative scientist he is, I saw him carefully line up four glass loaf pans, the liquid ingredients on one side, the dry ingredients on the other—after grinding about 20 cups worth of whole wheat kernels and 5 cups of whole rye grain. Oh, I forgot to mention, he spent a couple hours last night rewriting my simple recipe of past years into a gourmet concoction. I felt like we were in a chemistry lab and the professor was giving me lessons on the chemical reaction he believes will happen when we put together his blend of wheat flour, rye flour, olive oil, low fat goat milk, water, honey, banana (egg substitute for low fat grams), a little dough enhancer, sea salt, yeast, caraway seeds, and raisin syrup (which he also created the night before).

After following his recipe to the letter with all ingredients in the mixer and the dough hook doing its job for 8-10 minutes, we came up with a pile of awesome sticky dough to dig our hands into to shape into loaves. Putting some olive oil on our hands we dug in. It was so much fun…like being a kid again playing in thick mud. I also felt like I was back in one of my ceramic classes years ago kneading clay and shaping it into just the right size of balls for creating something on the potter’s wheel. But I was sure these balls, once baked, would be a lot more tasty!

It turned out that we actually had enough dough for 5 loaves. But John wanted to use the fifth ball to make my sticky buns I used to make when our daughters were just little ones. So, I got the chance to be the teacher instead of the student for once! He ever so carefully put together a raisin, cinnamon, honey, nut mix for filling. After spreading out the dough into a long rectangular shape, honey was dripped all over, then the raisin/nut mix was added. It was so funny to watch John so gently roll the long end of the dough as if he were handling a delicate piece of china. I had to get in there and poke my figure into it just to hear him say, “Don’t touch my work of art here!”

After cutting the “sticky bun” roll into equal pieces and placing them in a larger glass pan, all loaves and buns were covered to rise for the next hour. Forgot to mention again that John had to pull a little dough aside to make a couple hot dog shaped buns. He had to see how it tasted with his favorite turkey sausage hot dog.

After another hour went by baking his gourmet recipe in all its forms, the kitchen was filled with a wonderful, elegant fragrance no one could resist. So, what did John try first?...his hot dog bun of course! Then came a taste of his sticky buns for dessert. Needless to say, when I looked at the clock, the day was coming to an end. And I didn’t think about work and emails all day.

Why do I tell this tale? Simply because I learned an important life lesson again. This moment is the only moment you have to choose what you will do with it. So, I chose to celebrate a rare opportunity to share in the fun of baking and breaking bread together! Both of us are always so busy with “our own work” and “our own interests” that we often are in “our own worlds.” Time and life go by so fast without even pausing to gift and be gifted a moment to celebrate and treasure.

So, watch for those simple moments of opportunity when someone you love and care for invites you into their world. That opportunity may never come again. So, grab it. Be grateful for the chance to experience truly what is most important in life.

Celebrating being Content

2011-12-09T16:10:00.000-06:00

In the rush of the season, where do you hold on to contentment? Along with the fast-paced routine things of life, we have added Christmas shopping, holiday parties at work and community, and don’t forget the parades. You name it. And watch out for any pesky germs floating around knocking you out with a cold!

What does it feel like to be content even in the midst of all this running about? One of the first things that comes to mind is the gift of the phrase “no thank you.” What do I mean by that? Basically, there is only so much one human being can do, even when the pressure is on from the job, relatives, finances, and your own children. That’s when the brakes need to be applied ever so graciously with thank you but I am just not able to do one more thing. Begin to make this holiday season even more enjoyable and contented with saying “no thank you” to those few extra requests that come your way.

You will then have more precious time to get done what you are already committed to do and actually enjoy yourself along the way. Another thought comes with a combined question: “What brings you simple contentment to your life and what robs you of that contentment?” Focus on a couple things that release some of the “should’s” in your life that may not be necessary to be there. Maybe you have always been the one that organizes and hosts your workplace holiday party. Maybe this year, someone else can have the privilege. What do you come up with that would bring you more contentment during this season and into 2012?

Pick one thing that has robbed you of contentment…such as a part of your job, money, weight, a relationship. Choose one action that would make a positive change and help you regain some contentment. If it’s money problems, look around you. Have anything you could part with to sell for some extra cash? For a Christmas gift for someone, look around your home for something you would like to gift them, instead of spending more dollars. Yet, be sure it is something they would enjoy receiving and not just something you would probably throw away or put in a charity bin.

Could it be a relationship? Possibly, it’s about time to sit down and have a conversation about improving that relationship. Respectfully share what you need, and ask that friend, relative, or spouse what they would like to see happen in your relationship together.

During the holidays, contentment is yours to have, even if you happen to catch one of those season’s cold and end up in bed sniffling and sneezing. Grab that warm comforter, some hot healing herb tea and homemade chicken soup, and put on some sweet music to cheer the soul. And by all means, allow your family to pamper you and handle the holiday celebrations. I bet you will see loads of creativity arise from surprising sources…even at the last minute that will make forever memories for you and your family.

Whatever your plans, may this Christmas and holiday festivities be special for you all, filled with the joy of the season. And may the gift of contentment be yours to share throughout the coming New Year.

Reflection . . . Grateful Meanderings

2011-11-29T12:16:00.002-06:00

With Thanksgiving behind us and Christmas fast approaching, I decided before I got even more busy than I am to quietly walk in my neighborhood and community. As I leisurely strolled through the streets, there were little kids biking, a dad fixing his truck, and a couple putting in a fall garden of colors.

As I continued to walk downtown Main Street, there were lots of people shopping, getting gas for their car and groceries to take home. On another street, I looked through a glass display of various shops selling all kinds of goodies. Among all these shops were a few galleries spotlighting their art and artists.

Going into one of the galleries I found an array of paintings and sculptures displayed that amazed me. Each piece was uniquely crafted and captured my imagination. I wondered what sparked the artist’s idea to create that piece. Was it just a whimsical day that instantly birthed the idea, or was the artist in deep contemplation for months coming up with that idea? No matter the means, I slowly viewed each piece feeling how lucky I was to be able to view works of art I couldn’t even begin to see myself create.

The revelation hit me how very lucky I am to live in my community and in this nation. No matter how we all may be struggling in this tough economic time, what a privilege it is to have this kind of art right down the street. Also, how privileged we are to have a grocery store and gas station just around the corner.
How amazing it is that we take them all for granted and expect them to be there. Envision how it would be if your local grocery store simply disappeared. I realize the grocery store and gas stations are considered essential parts of our lives. Yet, how many of us consider a museum, a gallery, indispensable? More like discretionary?

Consider your community that has the arts in whatever form it comes in…visual, performing, literary. Envision your museum, your local gallery, your performing arts theatre disappearing all at once. Would you miss them? If so, how did they contribute to your life? Here are just a few that came to me while contemplating the creative beauty around me.

Art helps us see creativity everywhere…in buildings, walkways, thoroughfares, a home, even a gas station, grocery store. . .nature itself.
Art enhances our quality of life beyond the mindset of just surviving.
Art gets us in touch with the gifts expressed through the artist.
Art helps us broaden our perspective on life and gets us thinking outside the box.
Art reflects life as life reflects art.
Art is used in therapy to help resolve personal, relational, and community challenges.
Art draws people together and ignites conversation.
Art contributes to the economic and cultural vitality of a community.
Art and architecture go hand-in-hand to offer clarity to a community’s identity and heritage.

Whether you are in a grocery store, gas station, museum, or gallery, look around you. Where do you see art reflected? No matter the space, color, size, location, the creative arts are an integral part of our lives as human beings and community. Take the time to reflect on its impact to your own personal life.

Then get out there and thank your artists for enriching your life and community. By all means, buy their art so they can keep creating for our delight and wellbeing. And if you see that your own grocery store and gas station reflect the arts and contribute to a higher quality of life, even in their architecture, say thank you to them. They too have enriched your life with more than just groceries and gas.

Time to Reflect

2011-11-22T09:09:00.000-06:00

One of the lifeskills I cover each February is Time Management. This month being Reflection, let’s take some time to do just that. Admitting that our memory may not always retain the details of how we used our time each day, there is an easy way to find out. Whether you use a physical calendar, planning notebook, your phone, or computer Outlook calendar, you can go back through each month in 2011 and get a fairly clear look at how your time has flown through this year.

Take an hour and go through each month and tally what you have done…meetings, errands, appointments, phone calls, texting, just to name a few. Make up your own bulleted list and count off how many you had each month. For me, I had approximately five meetings each month adding up to 55-60 meetings so far for 2011. When it comes to texting, I have about 120 racked up so far. Phone calls…about an average of 5-10 per day. That adds up to about 1820 on the low side to 3640 on the high side so far. The incoming/outgoing phone calls alone ranged from five minutes to two hours. Without more detail tallying, it is hard to determine total hours spent on the phone, but you get the point I am sure.

Now add up driving time, mealtime and cleanup, shower time, getting dressed and getting ready for bed…all those many tasks and activities that eat up the time in each 24 hour day. Where do you see you spending your life the most? I bet much of the hours are in meetings, driving, phone/computer, and home activities of all sorts.

Reflect on where you would like to reduce your time spent. Consider how you use time to get that job done. How are you combining activities so you don’t have to retrace your steps. It’s called consolidating tasks and activities to use your time more efficiently. Now go back to your tally list, look over each area you wrote down. Choose that one area you want to gain some free time.

What one thing can you act on this week to gain a portion of free time? Talk with your spouse, family member, and/or close friend for accountability and feedback. Then stick to that change for one month, then reflect on how you feel and what outcomes you have experienced with making that change. Ask yourself, “Am I happy with this change?” And if you are, what other areas do you want to garner more time for what is most important to you? Don’t forget “ME” time. If you are not happy with this change, write down one key reason why you are not. Then talk with your spouse, family member, and/or close friends to brainstorm ways to make it work for you.

I welcome hearing from you on what you have discovered, so I can share it with my reader in the next article. I leave you with Ralph Waldo Emerson’s view on the good times. “This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it.”

Relationships in Reflection

2011-11-13T15:36:00.000-06:00

Are you content with your relationships? Are your core values reflected in your relationships you have acquired over the years as well as recently? When it comes to needing a supportive friend, who do you call? And when someone calls you for support, are you available and know just the right thing to do.

Whether seeking support or your friend asking for support, we all must resist the urge to say “This is what you need to do.” A friend calls more to gain a listening ear and caring heart than anything else. So, when my first instinct is to try to fix them or critique the situation, I have to zip my lip and let my friend begin the conversation in a safe, judgment-free-zone. Isn’t that what we all really want and need?

Each of us has a particular perspective on what is the “right thing” to say or do, and it really depends on what kind of relationship we have with our friend…more of an acquaintance, co-worker, new friend, close friend, sister, daughter, uncle, husband or wife. We also need to remember that this isn’t about us. It’s all about our friend. This perspective is even more valuable and tricky when your friend asks for your advice.

Another temptation when hearing the first part of the story from a friend is to either shut down or focus on a response, even before the whole story is heard. It is obvious then we are not really listening and often miss those important clues.

With all relationships, the journey can be a smooth sail, a little bumpy one, a roller coaster ride, or a fast careening dive from the skies. The journey involves every facet of life whether at home, work, throughout our childhood and adult years. When we choose a friend, even a spouse, our core values provide us with the foundation for choosing those relationships. Our core values are then reflected in the life we live. Therefore, all relationships should help us live our daily lives in synergy and balance.

When having a hard day, talking with a friend about our feelings may be all it takes to reduce the stress and experience a welcomed connection and sense of wellbeing provided no other way. Being genuinely listened to and understood have a profound impact on a friend and yourself. Here are a few things offered by Elizabeth Scott, M.S, wellness coach with training in counseling . . . to remember when friends are talking about things that stress or upset them:

Ask them about their feelings, and listen.
Reflect back what you hear, so they know you really understand.
Instead of always trying to tie the conversation back to your experiences, focus questions on them and their feelings.
When they’re talking, are you missing some of what they say because you’re waiting for them to stop talking so you can say what you want to say next? Stop, and really listen to them.

Consider your answer to these questions as clues when you call your friend for support:

Does the conversation flow easily, or is it forced?
Do you feel they truly understand, accept and support you?
Do you feel you truly understand, accept and support them?
Do you feel better or worse about yourself when you’re with them?
Do you leave them feeling energized or mildly depressed?
Do you include them in your life for positive qualities they have, or just to have more people in your life?

As Scott suggests in her About.com article, Social Support - How to Create Truly Supportive Friendships, you just might need to let go of some friends. “Not everyone is an appropriate match. If there’s someone in your life who makes you feel bad about yourself, doesn’t share any of your interests or values, or is someone that you just don’t mesh well with, it’s perfectly acceptable to put that relationship on the back burner, let it fade altogether, or not develop it in the first place.”

Yet, before you let go of that friend, do some internal inventory on why you feel bad about yourself to discover if there is some measure of truth in what is being shared that you may be resisting and thereby experience those bad feelings that do not necessarily come from what or the way it was said. This is not always an easy exercise, but will give you solace if you then decide to say goodbye to that friend.

In addition, people do change and move on in their lives in different directions. “Conversely, if you’d like to keep them in your life out of loyalty, albeit in a periphery role, that’s OK, too. However, it would be beneficial to remember not to count on them for support, if they’re not able to give it to you.”

The choice to say goodbye or nurture the friendship further is yours. Just keep your core values handy to size up whether that friendship really does reflect your life values or tempt you to drift from them. In the end, we all know it is important to have several people to count on for support in life. So, as you consider your relationships in reflection, by all means call those special friends who have made all the difference in your life. Call them to just say thank you for the honor of having them as a friend.

Reflection – aging with an attitude!

2011-11-05T11:06:00.000-05:00

When you look in the mirror, what do you see? What is your first thought? For myself, I marvel at the increasing number of grey hairs on my head and, oh my, those droopy eyelids and other parts of my body! Although my body doesn’t feel like it at times, inside I still feel like I am in my 30s. Yet, reality is reflected in the mirror that I am actually double that age.

I also find myself just a little slower on the uptake after some major project just completed. It seems to take me more than a couple days to recoup. But I continue to assume I can just keep my younger pace, particularly when excited about a project I am working on. Once the project is completed, I find myself sleeping longer, moving more slowly, and slicing off another piece of chocolate cake just for the fun of it! Who cares about the calories anyway after climbing that steep peak of a project!

Once I recoup, I get back into thinking I’m 30 years old all over again. What a senior cycle I find myself in. I guess I can relate to what Sophocles (496BC-406BC) said in his Acrisius, “No man [woman] loves life like him [her] that's growing old.” And may I be kinder to myself here and add “growing older and wiser”? I do love life and appreciate that I get up each morning with the chance to see the sun rise, enjoy the company of my hubby and friends, and work on the next project with enthusiasm.

Yet, when I read what the experts say about aging, I wonder if I am in denial most of the time. Natural Standard is one of our nation’s premier resources for Integrative Medicine. Their definition states, “Aging is the process of growing old or maturing. Humans reach their peak in growth and development when they are in their mid 20s. After this point, the body gradually becomes less functional over time. Aging typically causes weakness, increased susceptibility to disease and infection, loss of mobility and agility, and age-related physiological changes, such as wrinkled skin and gray hair. In the United States, about two-thirds of people age 65 and over take medications for various conditions. Currently, the average life expectancy in the United States is about 75 years for males and 80 for females. Although genetic makeup has been shown to influence an individual's life expectancy, individuals are more likely to live long and healthy lives without disabilities if they take care of their bodies with proper diets, lifestyles, and medications.”

When I read that our peak is in the mid 20s and the decline begins, it sounds so depressing! I then diligently search for exceptions to that rule in the lives of other people. When I do, I also find that those with active physical lives are also actively using their minds as well. But on the top of their priority list is “attitude”—attitude about their life, relationships, and contributing to the wellbeing of others. Their examples have made all the difference in my own motivation to keep on keeping on. And when putting things into perspective, I am amazed at what is still possible for me as I keep my mind, spirit, and body in shape. Every day becomes a singular opportunity and not just a problem to solve or project to complete.

For those of you out there who are in their approaching senior years or in them right now, how are you doing? What happens when you look in the mirror. If you gasp and say, “Who is that person?!”, I empathy all the way. So, let’s join together to counter the odds or at least slow them down, right? In this month’s lifeskill, Reflection, let’s focus on where we are and where we want to head in our glorious, once-in-a-lifetime senior years. Next article will target our relationships/core values in our later years. Are you content with your relationships? Are your core values reflected in your relationships and friendships you have acquired over the years as well as recently? What about in the years ahead? Now is your chance to make any changes before the rest of the years catch up with you. See you around the corner next Friday.

Recreation…Weaving Through Life

2011-10-29T14:38:00.011-05:00

Arts Expo, 1990s

When it comes to having fun while you work, there has been one thing in my life that definitely kept me whistling while I worked. Many of you may not know, but I was a commission artist for more than 20 years and during that time managed the University California Davis Craft Center back in the 1970s. Does that date me! Those years on campus and producing artworks was one of my most treasured experiences.
What did I produce? I produced weavings and fabricated jewelry for individuals, galleries, and interior design companies…mostly in California and some in Texas. My weavings consisted of functional clothing, accessories, furnishings, linen, and two- and three-dimensional sculptures, utilizing my welding skills with metals also. One key reason I no longer produced crafted art was a major health challenge that brought me to a stop. I began a whole new journey to recover my health and life. Fast forward another 20 years, and I became a lifeskills consultant and coach, especially for aspiring and established artists.

I wanted to help people shortcut their trials and tribulations in life and particularly as a professional artist. I then wrote a lifeskills book and used it at conference, seminars, and staff development workshops. The book will soon be published. So, keep your eyes peeled at online retailers for Celebrating Your Journey, Lifeskills in Synergy—hopefully out there sometime in November. It’s been an adventure all the way!

Another fast forward to this year brings me to what this article title is all about. I decided to get back into weaving after a very long hiatus. This was one of my fun things and recreation during this year. I actually found a floor loom in Austin that was built only six month (early 1970) after my own weaving loom was built and by the same family owned company. I went online and found the classic textbooks I used, plus some new ones; and bid and won all kinds of yarns on Ebay.

Amazingly, I then got an email from a woman in Virginia who years ago bought all my weaving studio equipment, accessories, and supplies. I had more than a dozen table, floor, and belt/inkle looms…a fully equipped studio. One floor loom was larger than a six foot couch. She wanted to keep in touch with the woman who put together a couple weaving sample notebooks of patterns I created.

When I told her I was getting back into weaving, she sent me my sample notebooks! What a time I had going down memory lane when I reviewed the patterns I used and what I had done those many years earlier. Then, to top it off, my husband, who is a very creative person, volunteered to repair parts of the looms, and build some of the expensive accessories every weaver needs for their craft. What fun we are both having working with our hands again…and away from the computer!

So, I converted my dining room into a studio. And this week I measured my “warp” out and have begun to “dress” the loom. For anyone out there who is also a weaver, these terms are a natural for you. I will soon be weaving again for the first time in over 20 years. But it’s all coming back to me with each step. I feel like I never stopped weaving throughout my life.

Is there lately something you have been thinking about, something you used to love doing but had to move on to other things in life? Well, maybe, this is your time too, to resurrect those fond, fun times again.

Help Make Boerne Their Home

2011-10-23T16:07:00.000-05:00

I know you probably wonder what this title is all about; and what does it have to do with this month’s lifeskill, Recreation/Entertainment. Well, let me explain. I am on the board of the Hill Country Council for the Arts (HCCArts). About a year ago we took on the responsibility to bring awesome public art to the Boerne gateways and cityscape throughout our community. Since then we have written the Boerne Public Art Master Plan, received an official city resolution of support, and have established a public art committee to oversee the selection process on their behalf. HCCArts’ public art committee currently has several public artworks being considered for the city of Boerne. As you can imagine, it’s been quite a ride for the past couple years and still happening!

For all those who love art and public art in particular...If you have recently visited Boerne and the Texas Hill County, you also may have noticed two very large bronze Longhorns near the Main Plaza since August 2010. These renown Robert Summers Longhorns were generously loaned to us by the Texas Trees Foundation of Dallas, to help us bring awareness and excitement about the public art master plan; and the cultural and economic benefits of having monumental artworks for residents and visitors to enjoy. These larger-than-life artworks have graced our Main Plaza where hundreds, possibly thousands, of residents and visitors to Boerne have enjoyed viewing them.

While caring for the installation and landscaping, and HCCArts sponsoring a variety of public art events and programs, I witnessed hundreds of families who live here and are visiting Boerne for a fun weekend of recreation take pictures of their kids alongside these Longhorns. Many have told me they think having public art like this is absolutely wonderful. There was one gentleman who asked me how they came to Boerne. He and his wife have been considering moving to Boerne and said that seeing public art like this made their decision that day to move to our community very soon. Every comment I heard have been a great encouragement to us with all the efforts HCCArts, the city, Boerne Chamber of Commerce, and many volunteers have put into this project over the past year.

These Longhorns on loan will shortly be leaving us to go back in storage in Wyoming. In gratitude to the Texas Trees Foundation, city of Boerne, and other strategic partners, these Longhorns have significantly awakened keen interest and awareness of the cultural value and economic impact of public art in our community. According to Jeff Haberstroh, Boerne City Councilman, “We have seen throughout the longhorn’s stay with us just how public art benefits our community. Public art . . .

Identifies a community and offers a sense of place for residents and visitors.
Beautifies, transforms city landscape and enhances quality of life.
Personifies the unique character of our community.
Creates dialogue and a better understanding of the importance of art.
Supports creative ideas and helps shape the identity of the City of Boerne and residents.
Is freely available for viewing and appreciation.
Reflects our Texas history.
Invests in expanding the quality of life through public/private partnerships.”

So, before October ends and the Longhorns hit the trail, be sure to view them and say your goodbyes. And if you are excited as we are about having them make Boerne their home, you have a last chance right now to donate to the Boerne Public Art Fund at www.HCCArts.org payment center. You may wonder about their cost to purchase these renown bronzes—$150,000. Although it’s always great to receive the big bucks, having just 1500 people donate $100 each will easily cover the cost to keep them right in Boerne. But time has almost run out. Whether these Longhorns stay or go at the end of the next couple weeks, all donated public art funds received will be exclusively used to support bringing monumental artworks to Boerne.

And don’t forget…If you have taken pictures of the Longhorns with your friends and family, click our Facebook page link on our website and post your pictures to celebrate the memories with all of us. I also encourage you to join the HCCArts (www.HCCArts.org) and subscribe to keep up-to-date on what’s happening in the arts in the Texas Hill Country.

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“Public space, public art, and pedestrian scaled gateway markers should be incorporated into neighborhood designs.” City of Boerne Master Plan Update, September 2006

Civic Campus Recommendation: “Install innovative public art that interprets history and local environment/nature.” Rudat Report to City of Boerne, 2008

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Recreation - A Do Nothing Day

2011-10-11T16:15:00.000-05:00

“It takes a lot of time to be a genius, you have to sit around so much doing nothing, really doing nothing.” Does anyone relate to Gertrude Stein’s quick wit here from her Everybody’s Autobiography (1937)? Or do you feel guilty being idle because it feels like you are doing nothing worthwhile?

Activity is all around us every moment of the day. We work. We attend meetings. We go to school. We go grocery shopping. We eat. We mow the lawn. We vacuum our house. We pay the bills. We do our taxes. The “We” activities go on and on.

Floyd Dell, American author and critic (1887-1967), declared that “Idleness is not doing nothing. Idleness is being free to do anything.” Sounds good to me. So, this week I practiced it. Oops! Did I say “I practiced?” Isn’t that an activity in itself? Feels like I am in a circular pattern here! And isn’t “doing” an activity attached to “nothing” also an oxymoron?

Yet, oh what a difference a day of idleness or just “doing nothing” does for the body and soul! So who cares about the linguistic loopholes here anyway. What kind of “doing nothing” did I do for that day? First, I didn’t touch the computer all day; and that’s a wonder for me! All day long I didn’t “plan” anything; didn’t have a list in my head or on paper. And for those who know me, that’s another wonder!

I lightly drifted outside and sat in my backyard for about an hour … first closing my eyes and even tuning out the freeway noise near my house. With a Koi pond in my backyard, I listened to the little waterfall and stream sounds flowing into the pond. Watched the Koi leisurely move around occasional leaping frog or two. Saw for the first time this Fall a vibrant-colored American Goldfinch visit our bird feeder, along with a hummingbird nearby trying out a flowering sage bush.

I then simply wondered into the house and visited the couch and very soon fell asleep. Don’t know how long I slept. I woke up hungry and made myself a glass of milk with a scrumptious almond butter, banana, raisin, blueberry spread, cottage cheese, and honey sandwich on whole wheat bread. I haven’t had one for a long time. Every swig of milk between each bite made me feel like an eight year old kid again!

What did I do next with my “do nothing” day? I turned TV on and watched four episodes in a row of the old 1980s mystery show, “Matlock.” It was so much fun that I watched a fifth one! By that time, the evening sky began to shine with stars. I puttered around picking up a few clothes to put away, then a few books lying around, dusted furniture a little here and there, no more no less. Had a light dinner of leftovers, leisurely walked down to the mailbox and enjoyed the cooler evening along the way. With my day of “doing nothing” coming to an end, I fluffed up my bed pillows, got comfortable, read a few minutes, and fell fast asleep.

You are probably asking yourself right now, “How was that a do nothing day?” Good question! My day illustrates that a “do nothing” day is in the eyes of the “do nothing” person. Everyone has a different way to relax and chill. Sometimes, the do nothing day may consist of only one thing, sleep! For others, the range is infinite. What do you consider a “do nothing” day for you? How do you share it…with yourself, spouse, friend, your child? Do nothing days can be some of the most memorable in your life when it offers you the chance to wind down and give yourself that moment to recharge your “want to”. For so many of us, we run on “shoulds” most of the time that eventually wear us out. We then risk losing sight of what is really important in our lives that offers a sense of purpose and place in everyday life.

So, if you haven’t had a “do nothing” day lately, make room for one this coming week or weekend. Here are a few more samples of “do nothing” perspectives to consider as you start your “do nothing” day.

“Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.” Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne

“You have to allow a certain amount of time in which you are doing nothing in order to have things occur to you, to let your mind think.” Mortimer Adler

“Never lose sight of this important truth, that no one can be truly great until he has gained a knowledge of himself, a knowledge which can only be acquired by occasional retirement.” Johann Georg von Zimmermann

Sleeping in and Mountain Views-good for the soul & body

2011-10-07T08:25:00.018-05:00

Just a month ago, my sister retired after years as a physical therapy administrator for a California county hospital. One of the first things I believe she did was sleep in for hours. That was her first taste of retirement. Then she went off with one of her girlfriends to a small cottage on a bay, did some girl shopping, walking the beach, and enjoying the beautiful sunsets.

Her next recreation spot was in Colorado and the Grand Teton with her hubby, at a four star resort. Not only did she relish the incredible food in their restaurant, but also soaking several times in the deep tub in her suite. Then off to Yellowstone to give camping a try. Since her hubby went for the luxury route first, she agreed to roughing it with him. At this moment in time, she is laying on a lounge chair watching a geyser do its thing as the sun sets over the mountain tops. She has been sending me pictures of each spot. And am I jealous! But so happy for my sister who needed this kind of recreation and entertainment for years.

Are you jealous yet too? What kind of recreation do you dream about right in your home, around the corner, and the world? Over the years as I have written this lifeskill byline, I have offered all kinds of resources to check out. I will offer several again this month. For right now, I would love to hear from you. What delightful things are you about to do or have just experienced?

Tell me what your dream ideas are for relaxation, vacations near and far, and just playing and having fun. I will include your play times in the next article along with some resources to expand your horizons for yourself and family. Look forward to hearing from you. To entice you to share your fun spots, here are a couple more pics my sister sent me. And by all means, include those special spots in your own back yard and community.

Childcare – The Webcam Way

2011-09-30T08:31:00.010-05:00

For many parents, getting your kids away from the computer and their cell phones are a major task. We all know our kids need a cyber-space timeout now and again to actually be able to talk face to face. Yet, let’s look again at some possibilities for a cyber journey together.

I recently came across a website called Earth Cam for Kids, http://earthcamforkids.com/. You can virtually travel with your kids with sports, parks, cities, zoos. You name it! Earth Cam is designed for children and kid friendly, fun, and educational. Take your kids to see tigers, search for ghosts, and journey to New York to visit the Statue of Liberty. This is a great way to engage your kids in fun, educational interaction. There is one link, Exploration, that can virtually take you to the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum. Now isn’t that just awesome! Just a hint here to make sure your computer has the programs to view the videos.

You can look inside the clean room at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California. Watch the next Mars rover being built. The camera is located in a viewing gallery above the clean room floor. These are just a few examples. So, give it a try.

Your children can also participate in webcam tutoring for that particular subject they may be having difficulty with. You can share in the interaction as well. Check out your child’s school for referrals. You can also do a net search yourself and find one like Teach Your Children Well, http://www.teachyourchildrenwell.ca/WebCam/ or Web Ring, Home Tutoring, http://www.webring.org/hub/1on1hometutoring.

The webcam can be a fun tool for interacting with each other, family, and friends. And the conversation is more personal and live. It is also important to talk with your children about webcam etiquette. Knowing what to do and what not to do in front of a camera, and what to do if you experience something uncomfortable are essential elements for any webcam user, young child or adult. According Kids and Media (http://www.kidsandmedia.co.uk/) parents need to know these tips to protect their children:

Think through where you position the webcam. It can be wise to put it in open areas instead of putting it in the children´s rooms. This way it´s easier to keep an eye on the children´s Internet use.
With teenagers in the house it can be wise to talk about responsible webcam use. Others can abuse personal pictures or video clips made with a webcam. Remember that pictures on the net can have a longer life than young people´s relationships.
Talk with your child about how other people can make recordings of performances in front of the camera. Therefore, one shouldn´t do anything in front of a webcam that one doesn´t want others to see afterwards.
Talk to your child about what to do if strangers offer them gifts in exchange for photos, or wish to meet the child.
An adult should accompany the child if he or she wants to meet anybody in person that they´ve met online.
Invite your child to talk with you if he or she should experience anything uncomfortable and scary online.
It can be a good idea to disconnect the camera when it´s not in use. If the child has downloaded and distributed music or films illegally from the net, they´ve also been involved in filesharing. With filesharing there´s a technical chance that others can access the computer and control it, and amongst other things activate the webcam. This way the viewer might see private situations without the person in front of the camera knowing about it. The best thing of course, would be to avoid illegal filesharing altogether, so that all firewalls can be activated. The computer will then be secure from intrusion.

With these tips, you can easily see that the webcam can not only be a great, interactive family tool, but also can be your child and family at risk. So, be sure to protect your kids from unhealthy intrusions into your family’s life. You will then be able to thoroughly enjoy webcaming with your kids, as you share the adventure exploring our fascinating world around us.

One Child at a time—Adopted & Adored, Part 3

2011-09-25T09:22:00.000-05:00

When you first start out seeking to adopt a child, do you have all kinds of wonderful, positive, confident thoughts about the process? Do you see yourself as a great parent for that child and couldn’t possibly be declined or even at some point bow out?

As much enthusiasm as you have in the beginning, potential adoptive parents begin to face any number of barriers along the way. Yet, be of good cheer, there are success experiences as well. First, according to a 2007 US Department of Health & Human Services Congressional survey report on barriers and success factors in adoptions from foster care, there are 28 top barriers adoptive parents have experienced.

A few examples of these top barriers (based on child, family, and agency factors) evidenced during the orientation application period include a change in family commitment (40%), family preparation and expectation issues (20%), change in personal circumstances (20%), and difficulties with adoption process logistics(60%). There were also adoptive parents who discontinued the process prior to completing the training/home study. The top barriers were adoption process logistics (41%), a change in personal circumstances (33%), and difficulty with agency emotional support (26%).

Adoptive parents also discontinued after approval. Top barriers were adoption process logistics (51%), agency emotional support (42%), and agency communication/responsiveness (49%). Adoptive parents discontinued after disrupted placement, meaning finalization didn’t happen. The top barriers for these parents included agency emotional support (71%), family distress at placement/child no longer available (65%), and agency communication/responsiveness (47%). Even when adoption was finalized, although those parents reported much fewer barriers, there were a some top barriers still reported . . . adoption process logistics (68%), agency communication/responsiveness (46%), and agency emotional support (23%).

One of the top barriers specifically for agency case workers was their caseload to the successful completion of the adoption process. “For many caseworkers, this not only included the number of cases carried but also a number and range of responsibilities in areas other than adoption, such as child protection. Both were thought to create delays in the adoption process.” Over 60% reported that reducing caseload and hiring more workers was the solution.

Now for the good news. The demographics of successful families who have sustained commitment as adoptive parents vary somewhat. Yet, the majority of parents are either married couples (65%) or single females (29%). The average age for the female was 45 years old, male 46 years old. “The adoptive families had an average income of $61,991. The average income of the couples was $72,826; single females was $36,922; and single males was $52,800. More than half of the sample of adoptive parents had completed either a bachelor’s or graduate degree.”

The top factors that defined successful adoption included parental commitment to child (29.8%), child is not behaving negatively (21.7%), child is showing progress in the adoptive home (16.1%), parent and child bonding (15.5%), parents are prepared for the child’s adoption & have realistic child expectations (14.3%).”One parent described success in terms of parental commitment: ‘Raising a kid to maturity where they are self-supporting. And not giving up. And also meeting all their needs no matter what those are. Hanging in there.’ Another parent described unconditional love and acceptance as important for success.” When families were asked if the adoption of their child had been a success, 88% said yes; 11% said they were not sure yet/maybe; 3% said it was not a success.

Along with the child having a good disposition and the agency making a good match, parents who had effective parenting skills, sought extra resources/information, had good training/information, and acknowledged the child’s history, considered the adoption successful.

According to Adoption USA 2007 National Survey of Adoptive Parents “. . . 87% of adopted children have parents who said they would “definitely” make the same decision to adopt their child, knowing everything then that they now know about their child.” The survey also reported that “the majority of adopted children have enriching experiences in their families, and they are more likely to have some of these positive experiences than children in the general population. For example, they are more likely to be read to every day as young children (68 compared with 48 percent in the general population), sung to or told stories every day as young children (73 compared with 59 percent), or to participate in extracurricular activities as school-age children (85 compared with 81 percent).”

I’ve only touched on the highlights of these two surveys. I encourage you to read them both to gain a comprehensive perspective on adoption, particularly from foster care. You will then be more prepared when you step in to the adoption process. With a clear head and caring heart, may you be blessed with that special child waiting just for you to adopt and adore throughout your lives.

Source:
http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/statistics/adoption.cfm
www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/pubs/barriers/barriers.pdf

One Child at a time—Adopted & Adored, Part 2

2011-09-16T18:32:00.005-05:00

When entering the world of adoption, it often feels like you are landing on an unknown, even possibly uncharted, island. Your first steps introduce you to all kinds of emotional, procedural, and financial flora and fauna never seen before. And the critters you run into may or may not be friendly. Yet, your desire and commitment to adopt provides you with the courage, preparation, and patience to investigate this new plot of land you just put your feet on.

After checking out your recommended resources and filling in the appropriate forms, the adventure begins; and so does climbing over the many barriers to adoption for the child, adopting family, and agency. Those barriers will be discussed in the next article and resources for overcoming many of them. For now, let’s gain a closer perspective from those who serve their pregnant clients who don’t know what to do with an unplanned pregnancy and may want to consider adoption.

Diana Anzollitto, LMSW, Executive Director, for the Hill Country Pregnancy Care Center in Boerne, Texas (www.lifesprecious.org), offers us that perspective. I first asked Diana “What main reasons are given when the center gets a phone call from someone? And what client age range is predominant?” She offered, “The main reason that many people call the HCPCC is because a woman believes that she may be pregnant. Some may be considering abortion but we do not perform abortions nor refer to agencies that do perform abortion. We do encourage all women to come into the HCPCC so that they may confirm their pregnancy through a pregnancy test and sometimes with a sonogram. We also encourage women to consider adoption or “providing parents for their baby” before making any decision about their situation. People will also call the HCPCC for testing for sexually transmitted diseases.”

I then asked what services does HCPCC provide on their behalf? In addition, what other issues/challenges surface impacting your clients' circumstances (i.e. family, biological father, finances, addictions)? “Our services are all free and confidential and consist of Pregnancy tests, STD testing, limited obstetric ultrasound, parenting classes, education of pregnancy, education about abortion and abortion alternatives. We also provide referral services for Adoption and Maternity Housing, Women’s Shelters and Emergency Housing, Medical Care, Parenting Classes, Job Training and Mentoring, Food and Material Needs, Local Churches. We services clients from Comfort, Blanco, Bandera, Hondo, Fredericksburg, Kerrville, San Antonio and other small towns in the Texas Hill Country.”

Diana then mentioned ways the center helps people get connected to adoption resources. “We always investigate Maternity Homes and Adoption Agencies before we begin utilizing them as referral sources for our clients. There are a number of good quality agencies which we have developed a relationship with over the past 25 years. We are able to call them while the client is at the Center for an immediate connection. And we also have pamphlets of these adoption agencies for clients who chose not to call while at the Center.

Many individuals and families know very little about how maternity homes and adoption agencies work these days. They are often surprised because of older stereotypes. That is why one of our focuses here at the HCPCC is to educate the community through the schools, community groups and churches about this. We have a very good video presentation called Teen Pregnancy: Decisions, Options and Choices which we can bring out to any group.”

Knowing the HCPCC staff face each any number of very emotional and difficult situations for their clients, I wondered what motivated them to become part of this pregnancy care center? A fellow staff member, Yvonne Gallo, Director of Operations and Outreach at the HCPCC, commented, “What motivated me and continues to keep me as a part of this Center is the desire to see our community stronger, especially when it comes to our youth. This can only happen if we are providing services of prevention to help them toward healthy lifestyles through education and their understanding of the choices available.”

In closing, I asked Diana what she sees for her care center in the years ahead? “In the years ahead I would love to see the HCPCC reaching more of our teens and young adults through our information, education and prevention outreach. The fact that San Antonio is number two among Texas cities for gonorrhea and Chlamydia means, that we have work to do in informing our youth not only about teen pregnancy and their options in that regard, but also about sexually transmitted diseases. I love that we serve individuals and families during a time of crisis and need; and I would also love to see the HCPCC impacting our community through our preventive educational programs.”

Diana also wishes more young people facing an unexpected pregnancy would come to realize they are not alone and there are caring adults available to work with them and help them through their crisis. “Adoption can be a blessing they may offer to their child and to a couple desiring to provide a family for their child.”

By all means, visit the Hill Country Pregnancy Care Center to learn more about their heart and service to our community and the Texas Hill Country. I offer a variety of resources for adoption below that may help in your journey. The next article will cover those barriers families often face on this unknown island called adoption. The more you research and talk with those helping make adoption possible in your community, the more confident you will become in committing your life to that precious one chosen for you to adopt and adore.

Sources: http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/statistics/adoption.cfm#gen
http://www.theadoptionguide.com/process/articles/how-long-adoption-takes
http://aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/09/NSAP/chartbook/
http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/statistics/adoption.cfm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/stats_research/index.htm#afcars
Intercountry adoption, http://adoption.state.gov/
Interfaith adoption-Texas, http://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Adoption_and_Foster_Care/CHILD/default.asp http://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Application/TARE/Home.aspx/Default
http://www.adoptionnetwork.com/adoption.shtml
http://texas.adoption.com/
http://www.adoptionaffiliates.com/
http://adoptuskids.org/

Your Child…when things go wrong

2011-09-09T18:09:00.004-05:00

With this month’s lifeskill, Childcare, the focus is adoption. Yet, life has thrown a curve ball this week and felt there may be others out there who may find comfort as you also journey through some heartache when things go wrong with your precious child. I will pick up on the Childcare adoption topic next week that will offer resources for adoption locally, state, national, and international.

For every parent, no matter the age of your biological or adopted children today, you still hold them in your heart as if they are still your wide-eyed, beautiful babies. So innocent, so dependent on their very life’s breath, and the love and care you give them. Deep inside, you have the most wonderful hope for their future and wonderment of the path they will take in their lives.

We all know none of us are perfect parents and bring with us our own unique variety of life’s scars. Yet, we still try to be the kind of parent they need in every way. From the first breath your children take, they also start making their voices heard. From their first sweet cries of “I’m hungry, feed me!” to “Can I borrow the car tonight?” they grow up right before our eyes. Then off they go on their own . . . to college, to work, to their own apartment.

Excited about the adventure, they begin making some life-altering choices about what they are going to do with their lives—who they date, what career they pursue, and who they decide to marry or not. Along the way, they may experiment with some unhealthy and heartrending behaviors—a little too much alcohol; maybe some marijuana and other mind-altering substances; maybe some casual sex or one night stands now and again; then maybe an abortion or miscarriage. And as parents, you really don’t hear about these experiments and tragic events until they are either seemingly over them or have tumbled over the edge into an addictive life they can’t seem to climb out of.

When you get that first or second phone call from them or the police, you think you can weather these ups and downs in your children’s lives. You work hard at getting the help you need from family, friends, counselors, even the courts. Yet, when things mount up from a molehill to a mountain, you just can’t seem to see the other side much anymore. You wonder if your child is actually going to survive, and the same for you.

Along the journey, you see some progress in your children’s choices and behavior. And hope rises up again and you continue on believing, trusting, even supporting them in ways to encourage their progress. Then with one more phone call, it seems like everything they did to set the right course has fallen apart with one more wrong choice. At that point as your heart feels like it is going to explode, do you just give up and disconnect from the very child you raised and adore?

Even if that thought of disconnect is tempting, there eventually comes a small still voice that says, “Your love for your child is forever.” Again, I reach for the hope that doesn’t disappoint. Letting the grief have its course, I once again choose to hope again and believe my child will do the right thing to restore what has been lost. With humility, honesty, hard work, and God’s mercy for us all, my children will live the life they were meant to have. This morning is a new day with new mercies. May this renewed hope be so for you as well.

One Child at a time—Adopted & Adored, Part 1

2011-09-02T17:30:00.001-05:00

Have you ever thought about adopting a child? Many Americans have; yet, few actually take the steps. The steps to even begin can be not only expensive but take considerable time; and without guarantees. Yet, if you are one who longs to raise a family, whether from your own womb or adoption, I hope this topic will not only encourage you to try, but to stay the course until you have that previous child in your arms.

For US born adoptions you may have your child in your arms within three months or at least two years, with at least one false start, according to the Adoption Guide 2009-10. For foster adoptions, it could be less than six months or longer than two years. With intercountry adoptions, such as China, less than three months to over four years; Russia, less than three months to over two years; Ethiopia, less than 3 months to over three years.

In 2007, nearly 1.8 million children were adopted in the US. According to the Dept. of Health & Human Services, Adoption USA (A Chartbook Based on the 2007 National Survey of Adoptive Parents), “This group of children is of particular concern to policy makers and the public both due to the government’s role in establishing adoptive parent-child relationships as well as the potential vulnerabilities of some segments of this population.”

Although the number of children amount to only about 2% of the US child population, these numbers are nonetheless quite significant. And the number of intercountry adoptions from 1999 to 2010 total 224,615. The largest number of US adopting parents reside in California, Texas, and New York. The greatest number of children come from Russia and China, then Ethiopia and South Korea.

As of April 1, 2008, the Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Co-operation in Respect of Intercountry Adoption governs adoptions from about 75 countries, including the United States. The Hague Convention decides which children are eligible for adoption and immigration, to protect children and ensure placements are in the best interests of children.

According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway, 2011 Numbers & Trends, persons seeking adoption varies. “Most Americans favor adoption; many have at some point considered adoption. However, relatively few have taken concrete steps toward adopting a child, and fewer still have actually adopted a child.” In 2007, about 30% of Americans considered adopting, but in 2002, only 2% did adopt. “Somewhere between those percentages lies the number of people seeking to adopt—that is, those who have taken concrete steps to adopt a child.”

The National Survey of Family Growth reported in 2002, at the time of the survey, 1.6% of women, including 2% of ever-married women, were seeking to adopt. Hispanic and Black women were more likely to be seeking to adopt than White women. Three-quarters of women seeking to adopt were having difficulty in getting pregnant or were infertile.

The 2007 Adoption USA survey reported there are three primary ways to adopt in the US. Foster care adoption: “Children adopted from foster care are those who, prior to their adoption, were involved with the child protective services system and removed from their families due to their families’ inability or unwillingness to provide appropriate care. Public child welfare agencies oversee such adoptions, although they may contract with private adoption agencies to perform some adoption functions.”

Private domestic adoption: “This group is defined here as children who were adopted privately from within the United States, and who were not part of the foster care system at any time prior to their adoption. Such adoptions may be arranged independently or through private adoption agencies.”

International adoption: “This group includes children who originated from countries other than the United States. Typically, adoptive parents work with private U.S. adoption agencies, which coordinate with adoption agencies and other entities in children’s countries of origin.”

In 2010, our government’s Administration for Children & Families reported there were 408,000 US children in foster care and 107,000 waiting to be adopted. Will you possibly be one of those loving parents giving these precious children a permanent, loving home? In the next article, local, regional, and national sources for adoption will be covered along with benefits and those common barriers to adoption.

Sources: http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/statistics/adoption.cfm#gen
http://www.theadoptionguide.com/process/articles/how-long-adoption-takes
http://aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/09/NSAP/chartbook/
http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/statistics/adoption.cfm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/stats_research/index.htm#afcars

Veggie Mealtime Camouflage

2011-08-30T20:05:00.003-05:00

Your kids come to dinner. You have slaved over the stove fixing them a fabulously healthy meal. What is set before them includes all the necessary food groups to keep them strong and healthy. But what you hear first thing is, “Oh Mom, not broccoli. I hate broccoli and won’t eat it!” Well, there is hope. I recently interviewed Rose Mery, owner and home cooking instructor for Rose of Bella Rose. Rose’s passion embodies helping families, together, regain the art of home cooking and experience the wonderful benefits of healthy eating, and sharing the culinary adventure with their children.

One of her many talents is helping families create recipes that are not only healthy and wholesome, but also recipes their kids will love to help make and actually end up eating with gusto. I asked Rose to offer some tips for my readers to not only get the kids enthusiastically in the kitchen with them but end up immediately wanting to eat the very dish they helped create, and it even has broccoli in it!

As an expert for camouflaging those “avoid at all cost” cruciferous veggies such as cauliflower, cabbage, cress, bok choy, broccoli and green leafy vegetables here are some clever ways to bring both kids and parents back in the kitchen together and your kids first at the dinner table. My first question posed to Rose was—

1. What is the first thing you do when you step into your client's kitchen?

“I evaluate the work space and make sure it is fully functional for fast and easy cooking. I take inventory of unnecessary "dead foods". These are foods that are processed, boxed, canned, full of preservatives, and additives. I work alongside the family to help establish better eating habits, healthier food choices, and whenever possible to incorporate a variety of living foods. Such as fresh fruits, veggies, meats, etc. I then make sure the kitchen is well organized in order to establish a cooking friendly environment.”

2. How do you encourage your client to involve their child(ren)?

“I encourage my clients to make mealtime fun and, as much as possible, choose recipes that are kid friendly. Let the children take turns choosing recipes from magazines and cookbooks that they would like to try. My belief is the more the children are involved with the food preparation, the more apt they are to eat it. If my clients have more than two children, an assembly line can be helpful in putting together casseroles and lasagnas!”

3. What are your clients' favorite dishes that are wholesome and their kids love them as well.

"I Love this one! My clients’ favorite thing to learn to make is Middle Eastern Food. I have been making this since I was eleven and my recipes are from my grandmother who came over from Lebanon, and between her and my Mother they made sure that I learned how to cook at a very young age. Very recently, I was invited by a girl scout troop to come and introduce them to the Art Of Middle Eastern Cuisine and believe it or not, they gobbled this food right off their plates. Some of the children were a little skeptical about eating the stuffed grape leaves when they found out they grew on a vine. It is always such a joy to see family and children gathered around the table eating healthy food together.”

4. What are the most common responses after teaching the parents and kids your home cooking techniques and recipes? Parents? Kids?

“Since all the food is made from scratch, The most common responses from the parents are that they can hardly believe how much their children are eating, the fact that they are actually eating fresh veggies, and how inexpensive it was to prepare. The children usually are excited and can hardly wait for their Mom to pull it out of the oven, knowing that they have had a hand in preparing it, and always say it is delicious! Most recently, a five year old was digging through her Chicken alfredo lasagna, looking for the fresh spinach she had put in just so she could taste it. Her mother was amazed!”

5. What would be your advice to my readers as parents on how to get started with healthy home cooking and having their kids loving it, together?

“I encourage parents to incorporate cooking ideas in their home. Talk to their children while grocery shopping about better food selections and choices. Setting out fruit in bowls is a great visual for kids to see while heading to the fridge. My friends that know me understand the minute I walk into a home, I want the cooking channel on. This is a standing joke whenever I show up! In their free time, I encourage children to cut out pictures of food from magazines in order to inspire them with ideas for cooking. The most important thing is to take the time to allow your children to be interested in helping you cook in the kitchen. Although it might take a little more time, in the long run it will pay off!”

You may contact Rose at roseofbellarose@gmail.com to learn more about her services and how she can help you and your family regain the gift of Mealtime together. Your family will actually have loads of fun learning how to cook healthy for a lifetime together, as you camouflage those "special" veggies your kids and even you have refused to eat. That is . . . until Rose shares the enchantment of seeing you and your kids loving those veggies!

Kids in the Kitchen…who’s teaching them?

2011-08-21T16:00:00.000-05:00

Remember back when you were about six years old or close to that age. What favorite food did you help Mom or Dad prepare? Or was the kitchen a taboo place for you? Were your parents too busy to have you join in?

With our fast paced world we live in giving time for cooking at home seems to be a rare moment today. With fast food just around the corner and frozen meals available at your local grocery store, why even try. You may say, “My life is so hectic at work and home, I don’t have time to involve my kids. I just want to get the food on the table, eat, and clean up before the night is over.”

Are you also one of those parents who doesn’t realize that your kids can help with the cooking from a very young age? The USDA and other experts offer a number of benefits for the whole family preparing meals together as you have your kids join in. They emphasize that kids in the kitchen doesn’t create a recipe for disaster. There are many good reasons for involving your children in food preparation:

Provides quality bonding time with our children
Gives opportunity for kids to learn about and develop an appreciation for cooking
More likely to eat new foods that they helped prepare
Learn how to follow directions for recipes
Develop math skills
Encourages healthier eating habits
Builds positive self image
Rewards hard work and diligence
Promotes eye-hand coordination
Promotes a love for learning
Fosters cooperation with others
Encourages their imagination

The list goes on and on with all the wonderful benefits when cooking with your children. What other benefits can you think of you experienced as a child? With your own kids?

From toddlers just being allowed to stir or add items to the bowl to teens cooking a whole meal, every kid can help you in a variety of ways. With this weekend, begin to have your children join in on preparing a meal, with age appropriate activities of course. Make sure you let them offer ideas of their own that will be fun and healthy for all. Bring out one of your recipe books with lots of picture. Have your kids go through the book to see what recipes they would like to try with you.

If you want some extra help getting used to having kids in the kitchen, by all means visit your local businesses that specialize in teaching parents and kids how to cook. Boerne has two great resources, Boerne Cooking Cottage, and Kiss the Cook. Be sure to visit them both soon to get some great tips and helps. Take a class or two with your kids and on your own to add to the fun adventure with kids in the kitchen.

I leave you with these resources to check out. Have fun Mom and Dad stirring up all kinds of delight with your young ones. Time flies before you know it, and they are all grown up and far away. Start today to build kids in the kitchen memories never to be forgotten.

Resources:
USDA, http://snap.nal.usda.gov, Tips for Involving Children in the Kitchen
Boerne Cooking Cottage, http://boernecookingcottage.com
Kiss the Cook, http://www.kissthecooktx.com

Mealtime Memories

2011-08-08T09:18:00.000-05:00

“When I walk into my kitchen today, I am not alone. Whether we know it or not, none of us is. We bring fathers and mothers and kitchen tables, and every meal we have ever eaten. Food is never just food. It's also a way of getting at something else: who we are, who we have been, and who we want to be.” What a remarkable statement made by Molly Wizenberg, author of “A Homemade Life: Stories and Recipes from My Kitchen Table (2009).”

At first, you may think the connection is obvious. But really is it? When you sit down at a restaurant or your dinner table and take your first bite, what is your first thought? Could it be that you are more in the moment enjoying the food and company than anything else? Yet, if we really give some extra thought in that moment, we just might remember something more. For me, it was how much Dad loved his t-bone steak and potatoes. The memory also had attached to it times when Dad would come home late with too much to drink and demand his steak at 9-10pm at night just as my sister, brother, and I were going off to bed.

There were other more pleasant memories, such as with Mom’s mandarin orange Jell-O salad. Although I was never partial to Jell-O, I remember she was always smiling and happy when serving one of her favorite dishes. Then there were those barbeque weekends where Dad would heat up the grill for steaks on a Sunday afternoon. During those times, he wasn’t drinking and had a welcoming smile for us. His anger seemed to melt away on those days. In later adult years, many more fonder memories around the dinner table made up for those sadder childhood times.

No matter what our childhood or adult experiences might have been, mealtime is intimately connected to an array of recollections—fond and joyful recollections as well as hopefully only a few sadder ones. What memories surface for you at the dinner table last night or that picnic at the lake you had last month? For your young and adult children, take this opportunity to ask them this question.

Be ready and willing to hear their memories without judgment or being defensive. And be sure to thank them with a hug for sharing their recollection as they saw it. With a open heart and mind, you will be amazed at what you hear. Their recollection may just spark a desire for you to make some changes for the better and reaffirm those happier memories with your next mealtime gathering.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ Time Use Survey (2010), Americans spend just under two hours per day in eating, drinking, including food preparation & clean up. Let’s keep in mind Wizenberg’s words. “Food is never just food. It's also a way of getting at something else: who we are, who we have been, and who we want to be.” Within that short span of time, you and your family have an opportunity to be together to make mealtime memories that demonstrate your love and care for one another. Whether at breakfast, lunch, or dinner . . . at home or restaurant, begin to capture special moments to be forever remembered and cherished.

May those memories be held near today and through the years when a smile is given, a safe haven offered, and forgiveness is needed. As J.R.R. Tolkien’s Hobbit story describes, may your home be a pleasant mixture of them all—“His house was perfect, whether you liked food, or sleep, or work, or story-telling, or singing, or just sitting and thinking, best, or a pleasant mixture of them all.”

Wellness—Eat, Drink, & Be Merry

2011-07-30T08:12:00.003-05:00

When putting on a party, the invitation often says come “Eat, drink, and be merry.” But, of course, we leave out the last part of the phrase, “for tomorrow we die.” What a damper on the party that would be! Yet, how do we understand and balance the merry with the “morrow” and still be healthy and have a good time?

Many have been curious where the phrase or at least part of it even came from. Some say Shakespeare; even Erma Bombeck, or Lewis C. Henry who may have given us another version. “Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we diet.” This one is definitely less morbid but still not having a good time, right?

Well, the original phrase was actually derived from a bible verse or two. The first possible was Isaiah 22:13 (NKJV). “But instead, joy and gladness, Slaying oxen and killing sheep, Eating meat and drinking wine: ‘Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die!’” Another comes from Ecclesiastes 8:15 (NKJV). “So I commended enjoyment, because a man has nothing better under the sun than to eat, drink, and be merry; for this will remain with him in his labor all the days of his life which God gives him under the sun.”

Well, where is the good times in these verses as well? Maybe we need to look a little closer to the meaning behind the message. I bet you already know the punch line. Here it is . . . Wellness in eating, drinking, and being merry comes with moderation in all things. Yes, there’s that word, moderation. You may ask, “How can anyone have a good time at a party or anytime when moderation puts the brakes on?” Just remember how you felt in the morning when you ignored moderation in eating, drinking, or even in being merry when it took you over the edge to the ridiculous and dangerous.

Moderation can actually increase your merry over the long-term. For tomorrow, the next week, the next year, you can wake up sober, sane, and steady for each new day. Life then is celebrated with purpose in support of your values which sustains you through any challenge and opportunity coming your way.

I recently read a great article from Rosabeth Moss Kanter, professor, Harvard Business School, and the author of Confidence and SuperCorp. She offered five tips for managing under uncertainty and the challenges of our time. I believe they apply quite nicely to achieving wellness while we eat, drink, and be merry in moderation throughout our lives. What are the parallels? See the parallels bracketed in all caps after each tip.

Provide certainty of process. Even if we can't tell people what the outcome will be, we can provide clarity about when information will be provided…To have some things that the community or family does together regularly, no matter what, increases the ability to get on with the action even if situations aren't yet fully resolved. [STATE YOUR VALUES AND PURPOSE, SEEK CLARITY, AND TAKE YOUR FIRST ACTION IN YOUR WELLNESS PROCESS.]

Tackle maintenance and repair. Uncertain times, when some things are on hold, provide a good opportunity for fix-ups and clean-ups. Uncertainty makes it tempting to let things deteriorate (maybe we won't keep this office going or live in this place any longer). But fixing things that can be improved represents productive action. For example, for job-seekers, embarking on a fitness regiment can add energy, lift spirits, and potentially make the person more attractive to a potential employer. [BEGIN WITH WHAT YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW THAT WILL ENCOURAGE YOU TO KEEP MOVING FORWARD IN SUPPORT OF YOUR VALUES AND PURPOSE FOR WELLNESS.]

Let ideas flow. Opening the brainstorming faucet washes away some uncertainty. Since uncertainty leads to rampant gossip and speculation anyway, it can be a good time to harness imagination toward productive ends. . . Brainstorming about possible futures stimulates imagination about what to do under nearly any circumstance. . . Seeds of innovation could sprout. [IMAGINE WHAT YOU WANT YOUR WELLNESS FUTURE TO BE AND BRAINSTORM WITH OTHERS WHO ARE ON THE SAME JOURNEY.]

Mobilize appreciation for key constituencies. Showing appreciation to valued customers is the business equivalent of gathering loved ones to reminisce about wonderful times together. Thanking customers for their loyalty or appreciating suppliers for their contributions doesn't involve making promises, but it does make friends. . .That can pay off regardless of changing directions. [RECOGNIZE & APPRECIATE THOSE AROUND YOU WHO UNDERSTAND AND SUPPORT YOUR VALUES AND PURPOSE TOWARD WELLNESS. IT WILL MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE NO MATTER THE DIRECTION YOU TAKE.]

Use purpose and values to "think beyond." Emphasizing who we are and what we stand for reminds people of the long-term, of the march of history beyond today's uncertainty. It provides grounding. It helps focus on the times ahead, not just today's troubles. It helps people remain connected to one another. Clouds eventually give way to clarity. What separates the best from the rest is whether leaders communicate, improve, engage, invest in relationships, and remain true to principles. This can make the difference in getting stuck or emerging triumphant. [USE YOUR VALUES AND PURPOSE TO THINK BEYOND YOUR CURRENT CONDITION TO REMIND YOURSELF AND OTHERS OF WHAT IS POSSIBLE WHEN YOU ARE FOCUSED AND MOVING AHEAD, YET GROUNDED. YOU THEN COMMUNICATE, IMPROVE, ENGAGE, INVEST IN RELATIONSHIPS, AND REMAIN TRUE TO YOUR WELLNESS PRINCIPLES ALL THE WAY.]

To read Kanter’s entire article, visit http://blogs.hbr.org/kanter/2011/07/five-tips-for-coping-with-unce.html. Enjoy your next party as you eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you will live well!—the Wellness Way.

Wellness—oh the stress of it!

2011-07-20T09:20:00.000-05:00

“I get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.” The unknown author of this phrase clearly illustrates how many of us dodge making wellness a natural and positive part of our lives. How often have you heard yourself or someone else say, “I’ve tried losing weight and nothing works.”

How about “My wife used to be so slender and beautiful. She’s got to do something about it.” Now that’s pushing your luck with your spouse! And does this sound familiar? “I’ll start the exercise program next month. I’m just too busy.”

Even if we think that jumping, pushing, and dodging feels good for the moment, the stress of the consequences eventually hits us. Where does your predominant stress come from? How about a short stress status here? Which statement below represents your current stress management level?

I am under stress most of the time but do not intend to seek ways to alleviate it at this time. Although I do not have the support I need and have a difficult time with change, dealing with conflict, and physically relaxing, I do not intend to find ways to solve it any time soon. I feel I need to do everything myself; so saying “no” or delegating doesn’t happen for me.
I am under stress most of the time but am thinking about seeking ways to alleviate the stress within the next six months. I am also thinking about ways to get the support I need, more easily deal with change, conflict, and physically relax. I know I also need to find a ways to have more control in my life and learn how to say “no” more often.
I know I am under stress most of the time and intend to seek ways to alleviate stress within the next thirty days. I have researched and chosen one specific area at this time to get the support I need, and more easily deal with change as well as conflict. I will then focus this week on learning how to physically relax, say “no” more easily, and have more balance in my life.
I now have less stress in my life but need to continue to find specific ways to gain more support and more easily deal with change and conflict. I have set up a daily and weekly routine to help myself physically relax, say “no” more easily, and have more balance in my life.
I now have much less stress in my life and have the support I need as well as enough physical relaxation. I deal well with conflict and am able to quiet my thoughts. I also have effective ways of dealing with change. I delegate and say “no” easily. I feel balanced in all areas of my life.

I found myself somewhere between #3 and #4 these recent days. And it surprised me.

Marcus Aurelius Antoninus, Roman Emperor from 121-180 AD, was quoted saying, “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” I found myself needing to spend some quality time seeing how I handle my stress, no matter its origin, after scoring myself and reading this. Do I really have the power to revoke, if not the stress, my own estimate of it?

As my coaching colleague and friend, Carolyn, teaches, we always have a choice, even when we don’t seem to have control over the circumstance. In all of life, there is Reality. Then there is Truth to see possibilities in spite of that reality. Then comes Opposition from within or somewhere out there. Then comes Choice—to see and embrace that life just may not be as bad as it feels or I estimate the problem or challenge to be.

I then remembered that the character for crisis in Chinese means both "peril" and "opportunity." So, today I choose “opportunity.” to see whatever challenge and stress that accompanies the circumstance as an opportunity for higher wellness in my life. I hope you do too.

Wellness . . .a “weighty” topic

2011-07-12T19:55:00.000-05:00

“Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution.” One can never pass up a Jay Leno zinger. It’s always good to have a laugh about ourselves and that “weighty” topic. Yet, it’s not very funny for the 36.6% of Americans who are overweight and 26.5% who are obese (CDC, 2009).

The 2008 medical care costs alone of obesity in the United States are staggering at $147 billion. Every year that passes, more states are being added to the overweight and obesity roster. Check out CDC’s link for animated trends for 1985 to 2009, http://www.cdc.gov/obesity/data/trends.html.

When I get on the scale and I see another pound or two creeping up, I ask myself, particularly as a wellness coach, “Why did I have that extra scoop of ice cream last night?” No matter how disciplined I may be in a number of areas in my life, I too slip up when it comes to the sweet tooth. Through the many years recovering my health and life, wellness and weight were at the center of my travels.

According to the CDC, “obesity is defined as a body mass index (BMI) of 30 or greater. BMI is calculated from a person's weight and height and provides a reasonable indicator of body fatness and weight categories that may lead to health problems. Obesity is a major risk factor for cardiovascular disease, certain types of cancer, and type 2 diabetes.” In my younger years I had a long list of pre-diagnoses, including hypoglycemia to prediabetic swing and family cardio risk, etc. that definitely got my attention. And I was only 36 years old then. Fast forward to my young at heart more senior years, I continue to map my journey to keep my weight in the healthy range. Fortunately, it’s easier to say no to those treats when that small, still voice says, “Remember when? You don’t want to go back there do you?” On the positive side, that still voice also tells me, “Look at how far you have come and are in the winning circle in your life. Let’s keep moving forward.”

As a life/wellness coach, my clients never cease to amaze me at their own courage and commitment to their goals and overcoming challenges. They continually remind me of the lessons I learned along the way and the need for a refresher periodically. So, I offer here a few gems that have kept me moving forward from the early 1980s to today. May they bring you renewed hope and commitment to your own wellness travels and “weighty” challenges.

1. I shared the journey with my family, and it made all the difference in keeping me on track and motivated.

2. I sought wellness providers who became my advocates and friends along the way. We journeyed as fellow students of life and wellness options personally tailored to me.

3. I learned that I could give up to gain. So, as I gave up some unhealthy choices, at the same time, I chose something healthy and uplifting for the body and soul. The incredible variety of available healthy, enjoyable foods was a delightful journey of discovery for me.

4. I bought some great cookbooks and learned that it was fun and creative to cook and bake healthy. I even ground my own grain and baked my own breads. What a fragrant treat that was. I even found snack and cookie recipes I grew to love that became a natural part of my daily calories.

5. My husband started a vegetable garden that introduced me to a whole new world of taste never found in the grocery store produce. I grew to love my veggies!

6. As my new healthy lifestyle became natural to my everyday life, I could fudge a little and again. But made sure I always kept my wellness routine every day intact.

7. I shared the journey with a few friends to help us all stay accountable to our goals and commitments while having some fun along the way.

Wellness . . .How’s your well water?

2011-07-03T08:14:00.000-05:00

In all things in life, there is nothing more basic than having water nearby to sustain body and soul. “Let there be work, bread, water and salt for all.” These are the basics Nelson Mandela sees as the right and requirement for all humanity. When available water begins to diminish or is nonexistent, we truly order our priorities even more than the scarceness of money in the bank. Now that is a reality check for us all.

We who live in the Texas Hill Country and experiencing one of the worst droughts in Texas history are being challenged to respect, preserve, and conserve our water resources. This challenge is more evident in counties where water wells are not replenishing as much from our underground springs and aquifers as in the past.

From 1893 to 2011, the Texas Cow Creek Groundwater Conservation District reports the average rainfall is 33.81 inches. As of May 31, rainfall is at 3.71 inches. The lowest annual rainfall last reported was in 1954 at 10.29 inches. At Cow Creek’s June 13th, 2011 Board Meeting, the Board of Directors moved from Drought Stage 4, Severe Drought to Drought Stage 5, Extreme Drought. Stage 5 Requirements include:

• Water reduction for permitted users (PWS, irrigation, commercial and non-exempt wells) – Mandatory 40% reduction in groundwater use or as specified in the operating permit.

• The conservation practices from Stage 4 shall remain in effect and mandatory in addition to the following.

• Irrigation of lawns and landscaped areas is limited to one day a week and shall be by means of hand-held hoses or hand-held buckets only. No hose-end sprinklers or automatic sprinklers are allowed at any time. Day of the Week Address ends with #--Monday 0 or 1, Tuesday 2 or 3, Wednesday 4 or 5, Thursday 6 or 7, Friday 8 or 9.

• No lawn and landscape irrigation shall be performed between the hours of 10:00 A.M. and 8:00 P.M. No watering on weekends is allowed.

• Use of water from hydrants shall be limited to fire fighting, related activities, or other activities necessary to maintain public health, safety, and welfare.

• Use of groundwater for construction activities is prohibited, unless authorized by an operating permit.

• The irrigation of a domestic or home garden with groundwater shall be limited to an area of 5,000 square feet and shall be by means of drip irrigation, hand-held hoses with a positive shut off device or hand-held buckets only.

• Leak-proof troughs shall be used to provide water for livestock.

As you can imagine, many home landscaping care routines have drastically changed. One saving grace are homes who have native plants able to survive more on their own than introduced varieties.

The EPA offers some general information about proper well construction and continued maintenance that are keys to the safety of your water supply. You can visit your state water-well contractor licensing agency, local health department, or local water system professionals and installers who can provide information on well construction and how to handle rainwater flows, contamination risks, and well maintenance for your health and wellbeing. Make sure your ground water contractor is registered or licensed in your state, if required. If your state does not have a licensing/registration program contact the National Ground Water Association.

EPA states, “Many homeowners tend to forget the value of good maintenance until problems reach crisis levels. That can be expensive. It’s better to maintain your well, find problems early, and correct them to protect your well’s performance [and your health]. Keep up-to-date records of well installation and repairs plus pumping and water tests. Such records can help spot changes and possible problems with your water system. If you have problems, ask a local expert to check your well construction and maintenance records. He or she can see if your system is okay or needs work.”

In addition, EPA advises us to be careful about storage and disposal of household and lawn care chemicals and wastes, and minimize the use of fertilizers and pesticides. Be sure to take steps to reduce erosion, prevent surface water runoff, and wastes from livestock, pets, and wildlife.

Here are key factors or concerns Cow Creek offers residents of the Texas Hill Country (having city water, water wells, and rainwater harvesting systems) to be aware of for their own health and conservation of water at home and workplace.

1. Quantity/availability during drought times
2. Sustainability
3. Water quality
4. Regional growth patterns

According to Don Dietzmann, Cow Creek Treasurer, ”these key factors are of paramount importance to entities that provide services,” such as Cow Creek and utilities. The first two focus on usage by the individual homeowner and water well user. Usage is directly tied to the everyday habits of the homeowner. Often, we turn on the water faucet and expect to get clean water to drink and to use as much as we want. Making daily changes in the use of our resources is not always an easy task—particularly as they challenge our comfort zone right in our own homes and lifestyle.

With limited resources, Don encourages us all to modify our usage and become better stewards of those resources in both abundance and scarcity. Don believes “generational education” is vitally needed to encourage good stewardship, design a sustainable growth plan, and then manage it well. He considers rainwater harvesting systems a great alternative or solution for homeowners now and in the future. This is particularly important as our estimated area population may double within the next ten years.

As homeowners, we all will then be helping ourselves have “well-ness” for the long term. We will also be helping our service providers maintain quantity/availability during drought times, sustainability, water quality, and reliable water resources that support regional growth patterns.

To become an informed resident for the wellbeing of your family and community, whichever state you may live in, here are some websites to check out. During the heat of the summer, help keep the water flowing and stay well with clean water for body and soul.

General Information:
EPA, Private Drinking Water Wells, http://water.epa.gov/drink/info/well/index.cfm, http://epa.gov/safewater/privatewells/pdfs/household_wells.pdf, http://water.epa.gov/drink/info/well/whereyoulive.cfm

EPA Water Consumer Information, http://water.epa.gov/drink/info/index.cfm
CDC Private Ground Water Wells, http://www.cdc.gov/healthywater/drinking/private/wells/
Keeping Your Drinking Water Safe, http://homebuying.about.com/cs/privatewells/a/safe_water.htm

Information Specific to Texas Hill Country:
Cow Creek Groundwater Conservation District, http://www.ccgcd.org/, http://www.ccgcd.org/Public%20Notice/CCGCD_PressRelease_06152011.pdf.

Housekeeping . . . Dirt Happens

2011-06-24T08:08:00.002-05:00

It doesn’t matter what corner of your house or apartment you go in to, you will undoubtedly find resident a mist or mound of dust and dirt there. No matter how diligent you may be to dust or vacuum it away one moment, in a matter of minutes you will find the next layer of dirt settling in for the duration. So, with a slight poetic license here from a one-liner offered by George Bernard Shaw, “[Dirt] ~~Everything~~ happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.” Like life, dirt happens to us all.

For some more fastidious housekeepers, dirt is always an unwanted visitor but always conquerable. Yet, it is all around us and in the air we breathe. For those Sandra Felton, Messies Anonymous housekeeping maven, describes as “Cleanies,” they have devised all kinds of methods for holding back and removing on a regular basis this unwanted visitor. When Cleanies come home from a hard day’s work, the last thing they want to see is the shadow of dust and dirt misting the air and furnishings. But, no worries, they are already on the job touching up each layer as they walk to the closet to hang up their coat. No use wasting the trip!

For us more “Messies” types, whose hearts are vigilant in intent but not always in action, we see dust and dirt as a creative opportunity to etch our latest words of wisdom for the ages! That way we won’t forget it as we try to find our notepad to post it more permanently, wherever we left it last time.

As you can tell, I was having too much fun waxing whimsy here and not giving you much of any tips. So, let me offer a few here from the hallowed halls of our “Cleanie” friends.

1. Place or install an air filtering system, portable or central, to absorb airborne particles. This will also improve any allergic sensitivities.

2. Declutter rooms to have less items for dust and dirt to settle on.

3. Organize home (including closets, basement, garage) in a way that makes it easier to remove accumulated dust and dirt.

4. Tackle one section of your home at a time. Set up a weekly schedule and who does that area. This goes for all housekeeping tasks, not just dusting.

5. Utilize dusting/cleaning tools and supplies that keeps it from becoming airborne again to just settle back down as you leave the room. Insure the supplies are user friendly for the benefit of your health.

I again offer that the heart and soul of housekeeping encourages you to keep your castle clean enough for healthy, but dirty enough for happy. So, I leave you with a few “dirty” quotes from humanity’s repertoire of reflection. Bet you never thought that “dirt” would be spoken of in so many ways throughout the ages. Dirt isn’t so bad, is it!

“Painting is the most magical of mediums. The transcendence is truly amazing to me every time I go to a museum and I see how somebody figured another way to rub colored dirt on a flat surface and make space where there is no space or make you think of a life experience.” Chuck Close, Artist
“Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. Then the worms eat you. Be grateful it happens in that order.” David Gerrold, Writer

“In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt.” Margaret Atwood, Novelist

“The glory of gardening: hands in the dirt, head in the sun, heart with nature. To nurture a garden is to feed not just on the body, but the soul.” Alfred Austin, Poet

“Let’s not push it under the rug, or push it to the side because, no matter what, it's going to keep coming up. You know, if you never deal with that dirt up under the carpet, it's going to get larger and larger, and it's going to keep coming up.” Herschel Walker, Athlete

“For suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring, dressed in fine clothes, and a poor man dressed in dirty clothes also comes in. If you look with favor on the man wearing the fine clothes so that you say, "Sit here in a good place," and yet you say to the poor man, "Stand over there," or, "Sit here on the floor by my footstool," haven't you discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?” James 2:2-4 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)

“People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die.” Plato, Philosopher

Housekeeping . . . my garage, are you kidding!

2011-06-19T09:41:00.002-05:00

Ever consider that keeping house also included your garage? For many of us, our garage is often times the catch-all, alongside the car, for everything we don't quite know where to put. And who has time to keep it organized and clean? Who really cares? Nobody ever sees the garage except you, right?

Where do you usually find your “guy” spouse. . . in his favorite part of the house? Maybe in the garage working on his latest project for the past six months—a rebuilt motorcycle or that vintage farm tractor? Surrounding his favorite project are stacks of “stuff” shoved in the corners and hanging from the rafters. No room for the car? And where did I put those Christmas decorations anyway?

How does it feel to walk into your garage? Is it easy to find what you need? Or are you climbing over lawnmower parts, garden pots, wheelbarrow, rake & shovel, and some 2x4s you know you will need sometime? What about the extra quantities of paper towels and goods you bought in bulk from Costco or Sam’s to save on your budget that lasts for months? Do you have the stench of your trash and recycling bins permeating your garage/workshop area?

If any of this sounds familiar, I bet you wish you had built that shed in the backyard years ago when the cost was so much cheaper. Or just maybe you are ready to do some garage housekeeping without breaking the budget. Here are some simple steps to start with:

1. Take inventory. Dedicate a weekend with the whole family involved. Take inventory of everything. Begin to put in categorized stacks or piles outside the garage (i.e. garden/yard, decorations & collectibles, household/workshop tools & supplies, paints/solvents/combustibles sporting, auto maintenance/repair tools).

2. Create Sell, Give Away, Throw Away piles. Then look at your piles. Choose which items to either sell, give away, or throw away. Place in one of these designated piles.

3. Sweep out garage floor & dust benches. This also means mop or clean up any lingering grease and other spills; and dust anything you couldn’t move out of the garage, as well as what you put in the piles you want to put back, sell, or give away.

4. Draw a layout plan for garage items. Now that you know what items you are going to put back into your garage, a layout plan is essential for helping you stay organized and make it easier to routinely clean the garage in the future.

5. Determine your budget for storage container/layout purchases. Depending on your budget, you may want to go the plastic container route, label and stack them for easy access against one of the garage walls. If more dollars are available, you can purchase or build yourself garage storage cabinets and shelves based on the items you are going to place back in the garage. With available funds, you may even want to consider hiring a professional organizer, specializing in garages. Yes, there are some out there. Simply, do a net search for local companies, get references, and a bid before you hire out. With any one of these options, if you have garden/yard items (i.e. lawnmower, garden tools, equipment, & supplies), consider placing them in a waterproof shed in your backyard to ease up garage space, particularly for workshop projects. Whoever has their garage as their favorite hiding place for ongoing project will thank you. In addition, do some research on how to store combustibles and other toxic products.

While working through each step, I suggest you wear a filter mask and eye goggles, even gloves if necessary. You never know what things linger you don’t want to touch, breathe in or irritate your eyes. Here are a few other tips to consider as you clean your garage, making it a safe and efficiently organized part of your home and family life.

Keep toys and toxins safely separated. That includes such items as insecticides, turpentine and gasoline. Store flammables with care in a fire-safe cabinet. And toss your greasy, oily rags.
If you keep your garden tools in the garage, use a garbage can with wheels to place your garden tools in to simply wheel it out to your garden area.
Utilize simple containers such as coffee & soup cans for small items such as nails and screws.
Use corkboard to pin your plans and ideas for handy reference.
Safely hang bicycles, canoes, kayaks for easy retrieval.

These are just a few of many possible ideas for simple living—little tricks that make housekeeping a little easier on you and your budget. Remember, the physical condition of a family's home, including the garage, is often a reflection of the care you have for one another. Sandra Felton, one of our nation’s housekeeping mavens, encourages us in her classic 1986 book, Messies 2, New Strategies for Restoring Order in your Life and Home, to seek simplicity, seek nature, seek a rhythm in living, seek beauty, seek quality.

“Finally, there is the house. Simplicity does not preclude beauty; it accentuates it. One reason we must get the house under control is in order to place beauty there. Imagine in your mind your house in order and beautifully appointed. How wonderful it is. Living in it, you are beautiful. The home reflects loveliness from within you. See that finishing beauty in your life, the beauty of your home."

Housekeeping . . . Garden to Garage

2011-06-12T13:31:00.000-05:00

"The patterns of home go deeper, linking the way the house is designed with the way we experience the world. They explore the presence of life, the way we move through a space, the feel of one space as you are sitting in another, the relationship of indoors and outdoors." Max Jacobson in his book, Patterns of Home, The Essentials of Enduring Design, offers us an insightful glimpse into the importance of not just our living room, kitchen, bedrooms of our house but also how the outdoors are part of what he calls the "DNA for Home."

He asks us to "think of places you've known that feel good—comfortable, balanced, dynamic, alive—and then try to derive from such places the qualities and characteristics they share." Our house, inside and outside, have a ". . . shared sense of the essence of home." For most of us, we generally know what kind of a house we would want to live in. Yet, rarely give attention to what surrounds it. Our house "participates in the larger whole: a whole that includes views; the path of the sun; the presence of neighbors, sound, sidewalks, and roads; the nature of the soil; the places that are good to be in just as they are; the ugly places; the places in between."

So, how does your garden grow? How does your yard help you "embrace the habitat of your home?" Is your inside and outside an ". . . environment where you feel most at home?" According to Sara Susanka, Outside the Not So Big House, Creating the Landscape of Home, "It's wonderful to look out the windows of your house and see a landscape that knits nature and building into one complete design. Your home feels as though it extends beyond the walls of the house." Susanka states crafting the elements of nature with your outdoor surroundings or landscape is all about wellbeing—". . . being well both in your house and on your land."

You may wonder why I started the article this way when it is might appear to be about the particulars of taking care of your garden and yard. For so many of us, our yard tends to be mostly lawn with a few shrubs or a couple trees randomly planted by the former owner. Or maybe you are in the middle of building your dream house and have left the yard ideas for later to save the budget. Right now, it's just weeds, dirt, leftover gravel, cement, and boards left by the contractor.

No matter whether you have included landscaping plans or not, the connection between what you see through your windows and doors makes all the difference on making the house truly your home. Whether you have a landscape architect or are a do-it-yourselfer, I highly recommend you check out Jacobson's and Susanka's house and landscaping books before you build, remodel, or start digging up your yard.

Since there are so many great resources for you to utilize (and I am definitely not an expert in this area, but am lucky enough to be married to one!) I only will give you your first few steps here. When it comes to caring for your garden, the first thing is to consider how much time you want to spend in your yard and garden. Then consider your locale for the types of plants that do well in your region of the nation; and then when to plant certain varieties that handle the seasons. How about including vegetable, herbs, and fruit varieties as well that fit your locale and particular season. Why not literally enjoy eating the fruits of your labor year round?

Give some concentrated time to native plants that do well in drought conditions. You will be amazed at how many beautiful seasonal blooms and greenery you will have throughout the year to choose from. You will find your tending chores are less cumbersome all around too. Native plants seem to know just how to care for themselves in many ways. But don't feel you have to go 100% native.

There are a variety of introduced plants that do quite well also if tended correctly. Also, keep in mind, just like any variety that is prolific and spreads vertically and laterally, you want to choose those plants that fit the size area where you want them to grow alongside other plants. Go to your local nursery where they have a native plants expert handy; or if in our beautiful Texas Hill Country, visit the nearest nature center for all kinds of help, such as Boerne's Cibolo Nature Center or Kerrville's Riverside Nature Center. You will learn all the details on how to choose, plant, and care for the "Habitat of Your Home."

Next article will focus on your garage . . . often times the catch-all, alongside your car, for everything you don't quite know where to put. And you don't have the time to keep organized and clean. We all know our garage is often our workshop with projects laying around half finished. And who really cares? Nobody ever sees the inside of the garage except you, right?

Who dibs for cleaning the toilets this time?

2011-06-07T10:17:00.000-05:00

When it comes to cleaning your house, do your kids, even your spouse, promise to do any other chore rather than the bathrooms? They even are willing to double up with their chore list in any other part of the house and yard! Or are you one of those ever faithful, sacrificing parents, Moms in particular, who end up with that yucky chore? If so, you probably view the job no differently than when you were the one who changed and washed your kids diapers too! Boy, does that show my age! When was the last time anyone washed diapers in this disposable age?

Now before I get too graphic here, let's just agree that there are a number of housekeeping chores we all just as soon pass to someone else, even hire out. Yet, most of us don't have the extra cash to be relieved of that unpleasant task. For those whose budget and money priorities can handle it, more power to you!

In these economic times, all of us still need to stretch our dollars and more than likely keep these kinds of chores close to home and family. In sharing the castle-cleaning jobs, it's important to be as specific as possible on who does what (including general pickup/trash, spring cleaning, etc.). And don't forget the when and how often too. Some chores are daily; others weekly, monthly, quarterly, annual.

You may find your family will be more motivated when you allow flexibility and periodic rotation of jobs relieving them of their tedium with the task that eventually happen. Although I don't view housekeeping as morose as Erma Bombeck does, many may often agree with her quip, "Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop offs at tedium and counter productivity."

So, let's give it a try on the lighter side of attitude. How about writing down your long list of jobs today (with a smile, of course), such as floors and walls (including kickboards), windows and doors, bathrooms, bedrooms, closets, dining room, entry/foyer, family room, halls, kitchen, living room, office, refrigerator, yard, even the laundry/utility room, garage, and attic on occasion (if you store stuff up there)? And what of all the furnishings, tables that collect dust and grime? Don't want to forget them as well.

After cruising through your mounting chore list and assignments to more than just Mom, what do you specifically notice about your chore list? Does Mom have the biggest share of the work to do? Have your little ones been given some age-appropriate jobs to learn about life's everyday realities? How have the chores been divided. . .Dad yard and garage? Mom and kids only inside? I can vividly remember how my husband, John, moaned many times because our daughters never seemed to help him outdoors, mowing the lawn, weeding, watering.

I must admit my daughters weren't ones to help as much as they should have inside and outside. I found it just easier to do the jobs myself than ranting with them to help, besides just cleaning their own rooms. And that was not an easy one either. Yet, I must remind John that at least on many occasions I helped mow the 2 1/2 acres we had, helped weed our vegetable garden, and collect the chicken and duck eggs. And yes, it was a riding lawn mower on which I dodged and ducked my head under more than two dozen mesquite trees!

No matter the size of your home, inside and out, it is your sacred place where you share your life with your family and friends. I hope every room and corner of your world is filled with love and laughter, even when whistling while you work at every chore! The next article will focus on the cleaning and organizing treasures in your garden and garage.

In the meantime, remind yourself of how it felt for Robert Crippen, Space Shuttle Astronaut, when he offered this advice. "Living inside the shuttle was a little like camping out. We ended up sleeping in our seats. You had to pay attention to housekeeping, not get things too dirty." We can then all say, "there is no place like home, no matter the size of our shuttle space on earth!"

Your Possessions . . . your car care tips

2011-05-30T08:37:00.000-05:00

Now that you have purchased your most favorite "gad about" car, are you ready to make sure it lasts as long as possible? First, is your warranty and operating manual handy? How about removing it from the clove compartment and putting it on the top of your book stack you are currently reading? And dive right in! Doesn't that sound like fun!? I know . . .if you are a guy, this just might be a given. For us female gender, it is often a different story.

If the "man of the house" is handy, we tend to relegate that task to him. And that is just fine as long as your car is routinely maintained as instructed in the manual by either of you, or your trusted mechanic down the street.

When it comes to having a trusted mechanic, whether it be your man or the mechanic around the corner, what questions do you have you always wanted to ask but were afraid to appear too inept or ignorant of the basics? Don't feel bad. Join all us car owners of both genders who are just happy to turn the key on and press the petal to the metal! And leave the details to the mechanic. Remember, though, they may be the experts, but it is your car and your money the mechanic is spending. Here are some things to consider before you venture out on that road trip to test out the limits of your dream car.

1. To fix myself or not to fix yourself...now that is the question?! Is the mechanic willing to teach me some tricks of the trade?

2. Cost savings vs. Skill—do I have the skills that will reap cost savings or increase the bill?

3. When do I need to find a professional?—when certain someone I personally know or myself do not have the skill.

4. What do I look for with a professional?—call my friends, co-workers for recommendations. Then call that professional and ask for references of other customers I can call to see if they liked what was done and for a fair price.

5. Before repairs are done—

Ask family & friends for recommendations
Check with the local Better Business Bureau
Ask about warranties for work done
Are there any diagnostic charges?
Ask for damaged parts to be saved
I am entitled to a written estimate on repairs over $100.00
My permission must be given for repairs more than 10% over the authorized estimate
Get all warranties & promises in writing

No matter your car passion, here are just a few basic care tips for us all from Car Talk (http://www.cartalk.com), Car Care Council (www.carcare.org), and the American Lung Association (www.lungusa.org):

Routinely have your car checked by a professional (having someone you trust goes a long way toward saving you lots of money and freedom from misery! But if you are confident you are up to the task, by all means, do-it-yourself.)
Regular maintenance and tune-ups, changing the oil and checking tire inflation can improve gas mileage, extend your car's life and increase its resale value.
Get fuel when it's cool. Refueling during cooler periods of the day or in the evening can prevent gas fumes from heating up and creating ozone.
Don't top off the tank. It releases gas fumes into the air and cancels the benefits of the pump's anti-pollution devices. So stopping short of a full tank is safer and reduces pollution.
Telecommute. Work at home sometimes. You'll save time and money, and reduce emissions and traffic congestion.
Have a basic repair kit in car with safety glasses and jumper cables.
Look for dirty air filters, low brake fluid, worn windshield wipers, corroded battery terminals, low windshield wiper fluid.
Before your summer trip, check out (Car Talk) entire cooling system, tires, front end, change the oil, check A/C and transmission,
Car Care Council’s 10 minute pre-trip checkup list for any trip include checking all fluids, hoses and belts, vehicle gas cap, worn spark plugs, dirty air filters, lighting, wipers.

As you get in your favorite "gad about" think about how you drive . . .pedal to the metal? The Council stresses that bad driving habits have a major impact on your car, safety, the environment, and your checkbook. So avoid high speeds and lengthy idling that waste gas, drive smoothly, don't rev the engine, keep tire properly inflated, check pressure in all four tires every two weeks, have an emergency road kit handy, avoid rough roads and potholes, consolidate errands, and car pool whenever you can.

The Council also asks us to “Remember, paying attention to our vehicle's maintenance can extend the life of the car, improve air quality, reduce negative health impacts due to emission pollutants, and save money.” As Americans who love their car and the ease of taking a drive whenever the mood strikes, we forgot how it impacts our air, environment, and health.

I encourage those of you who love to take day trips or cross country adventures, to consider these important tips as you plan your daily routines and annual vacations. And PLEASE for drag racing lovers, try not to plan your wedding around the up and coming race schedule—unless your mate has your same passion, of course!

Your Possessions . . . your car

2011-05-26T12:00:00.000-05:00

What is your favorite gad about . . . car or mode of transportation , that is? According to the Federal Trade Commission, "We all need to get where we’re going, and for most of us, the vehicle of choice is an automobile.” For most of us a new car is second only to a home as the most expensive purchase we make.

We Americans love our cars to such an extent that some people’s criteria for choosing a friend or spouse may include auto repair skills with air tools optional! For those racers at heart, you may even buy a race car before buying a house or even furniture for your new house! You may even tell your wife where you'd like to go on your vacation. But knowing you so well, she answers: "Why... is there a race there?" If this sounds familiar, you have a very understanding spouse. Just remember, you want your marriage to last throughout your life. Your car seldom does!

Whether you lean toward an SUV, economy car, or something in between, your choice has everything to do with how much you are willing and able to spend. This is true whether you decide to buy or lease a new or used vehicle. Yet, here are some buying tips we all can follow when looking for that perfect "gad about":

Check publications at a library, bookstore, or on the Internet that discuss new car features and prices. Information on actual dealer cost is available through Consumer Union (http://www.consumersunion.org/) or The Car Book, available at most libraries. Used car wholesale and retail prices are also available through the NADA Used Car Pricing Guide.
Know how much you can afford to spend before you shop; compare financing terms between the dealers' bank, credit union, and other independent options.
Shop around to get the best possible price by comparing models and prices in ads and at dealer showrooms. You also may want to contact car-buying services and broker-buying services to make comparisons.
Learn the Terms such as Invoice Price, Manufacturer Sticker Price (MSRP), Dealer Sticker Price.
Consider and Compare Warranty, Service Contracts, and Insurance options being offered. Do you really need some of the bells & whistles they offer?
Plan to negotiate on price. Dealers may be willing to bargain on their profit margin, often between 10 and 20 percent. Usually, this is the difference between the manufacturer’s suggested retail price (MSRP) and the invoice price. Because the price is a factor in the dealer’s calculations regardless of whether you pay cash or finance your car — and also affects your monthly payments — negotiating the price can save you money.
Buying a car potentially involves several distinct negotiated transactions, such as the actual purchase, selling your trade in, arranging financing, buying other products (i.e. vehicle protection packages, extended service contracts).
Know how much your trade-in is worth. Check the Kelly Blue Book (http://www.kbb.com/ or the National Auto Dealers Association (NADA- http://www.nada.com/) Used Car Pricing Guide
Take a thorough test drive. Operate the vehicle as you would in normal use.
Always have a used vehicle thoroughly inspected by an independent mechanic of your choice prior to purchasing it. Check out the FTC used car tips for additional helps, http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/conline/pubs/autos/ucartip.htm
Check out the history of used vehicles by requesting the name and address of the prior owner from the dealer. Dealers are required to provide it to you if you are a prospective purchaser.
Buying a car "as is" means you, not the dealer, are going to pay for the repairs.
Consider ordering your new car if you don’t see what you want on the dealer’s lot. This may involve a delay, but cars on the lot may have options you don’t want — and that can raise the price. However, dealers often want to sell their current inventory quickly, so you may be able to negotiate a good deal if an in-stock car meets your needs.
Get all promises in writing. Read and understand every document you sign. Don't sign anything with blank spaces. Your signature binds you contractually to make all payments.
Once you sign the contract, you own the car and are obligated to make all payments (unless the dealership provides a return option period).

There are undoubtedly other factors to consider when buying a car. Yet, we all know the most impactful tip is to be honest with ourselves about how much we can really afford. Whatever suits your fancy must also provide function. Will it be a commuter car? Or daily short drives around town? Will it be your "company" or "family" car? Is this your first car purchase? If so, enjoy kicking tires but always do your essential homework to match your wish list with your budget and purpose for the car. Next blog will cover some basic car care tips for anyone driving their wheel around town or hours in commuting traffic.

Your Possessions . . . your home

2011-05-16T09:48:00.003-05:00

When it comes to the many purchasing and care tips for your home, car, and "stuff" here are three basics for all your possessions:

1. Create a Possessions Warranty/Operating Notebook for your home, vehicle, and other possessions. Operating manuals and warranty documents are care essentials. This is easy to do as long as you have saved the information that came with your purchase. If not, begin today with any new purchases. You may also be able to go online and/or contact the manufacturer for a copy. For some items, it may be better to have the operating manual near the possession, such as on your garage workshop bench shelf. But, beware of the temptation to misplace it while working on the item. Your possessions notebook can simply be a three-ring binder or filing cabinet. You may also find it very useful, if you use a software program, to place a reminder of warranty. If not, just place it on your Central Calendar that is easily accessible.

2. Place a reminder of warranty expiration & maintenance schedules (and who is responsible for that checkup and care) either on your Central Calendar or your Outlook calendar on your computer. Your family central calendar helps everyone share in the care responsibility, prolonging the life of everything you own.

3. Learn how to know what to keep, sell, give away, throw away. A practical way to do this is, envision 4 boxes in front of you. Each one is labeled either with keep, sell, give away, or throw away. Give some thought to each item before you decide to part with it. How important is that item to you and your family today and in the years to come? Some items can be easily replaced in later years when better technologies emerge. However, some items have personal value beyond just its function.

With our focus here on your home, your "castle", let's cover some basic home purchase tips. Whether you choose urban metropolitan or decide on a more rural place to raise your family, do business, and find that ideal retirement community, here are just a few things to think about before signing that contract (refer to HUD’s Wish & Home-buying Checklist available online at www.HUD.gov):

Cost of living
Job location, career opportunities
Population demographics (income, age, nationality)
Small town versus large metro living
Type & quality of housing (e.g. apartment, townhome/condo, single family dwelling—small/large lot/acreage, low/high density)
Commuting time, public transportation and main roads
State & property taxes
Crime rate and type of crime, law enforcement, security systems
Services, businesses, faith/church, shopping centers, restaurants, entertainment (visual and performing arts)
Parks, water ways, indoor/outdoor recreational and sporting facilities
Specialty services (especially for retirees)—healthcare/wellness, financial, transportation, pedestrian/walking/trail system, home/vehicle maintenance, security/safety, internet/IT

When it comes to taking care of your home, the "to do" list grows exponentially with the size of the house and property. During the honeymoon of looking and signing on the dotted line, we often times don't take into account the commitment we are embarking on in its care. After purchasing our home, we then just go back to our daily routine—work, driving kids to school, soccer and ballet, grocery store, fixing dinner, helping kids with homework, make some phone calls, then everyone to bed. We figure the house can take care of itself for at least the first year or two.

In the meantime, we start to make a list of all the home enhancing projects we promise to do before the first year ends—an extended patio, landscaping, do some interior painting and decorating, build some storage shelves in the garage. Right!

For now, let’s focus on those tips all of us need to remember. It is important to know that, according to a 2005 survey by the Ketchum Global Research Network, the top home emergency concerns listed are electrical or other fire, vandalism, mold, standing water, flooding/rain, burst pipes, roof damage, appliance problem, sewer backup, electrical surges, and odor damage. Electrical surges were the most frequent occurrences for residents.

These are important concerns to keep in mind when caring for your home. The following basic home care tips are offered by the National Association of Home Builders (NAHB) to help us keep our home functioning properly and lasting longer:

Clean and/or change out heating and air conditioning filters
Keep your furnishings, walls, blinds, cabinets, countertops, floors, sinks, tubs, toilets, walls, tiles, etc. free from cumulative dust and dirt.
Make sure the outside gutters and downspouts are not clogged with leaves or other objects to improve the appearance and possibly prolong the life of siding and other exterior products.
Read your builder’s house construction warranty to insure you know what is covered for workmanship and materials. Remember, that damage due to maintenance neglect can void the warranty (e.g. roof leak due to backed up, clogged gutters).
Read appliances operation and warranty manuals. These items may be covered under manufacturers' warranties but not your builder’s. Improper use and maintenance neglect of these appliances (e.g. refrigerator, water heater, water softener, stove/oven, microwave, garbage disposal, shower heads) can void the manufacturing warranties as well.
Check foundation and walls for fine cracks, mold/damp areas, hot spots where insulation is insufficient, air leaks around front and back doors.
Always clean your fireplace after a winter's use. Install a protective screen on the chimney to keep out birds and other critters. Bird nests have been known to clog a chimney and start a fire.
Trim any branches that hang over your house to avoid potential storm damage.
Clean refrigerator coils and check for proper seal.Check for leaky faucets inside and outside.
Don't forget to have a fire and security system in place.

To learn more about creating your own personal touch in landscaping around your home, refer to the NAHB resource for important tips for your flora & fauna. As you design your landscaping, you can get lots of ideas from your neighbors, your local nursery, books, and online websites featuring Texas hill country flora and fauna.

Before you step out with any elaborate project, I encourage you to make sure your “want to” is there and you are fully committed to enjoying the process in caring for your "castle." There are many do-it-yourself books, websites to guide you through the tasks, or just visit the expert at your favorite hardware/home center. The next article will focus on your favorite gad about . . . your car.

The Value of Your Possessions

2011-05-06T09:03:00.000-05:00

In the previous article covering last month's Recordkeeping lifeskill, your possessions or "stuff" you get used to having around are all part of your net worth. Your "stuff" actually stretches to a great extent your net worth as well as your ability to sustain commitment to the budget you set for yourself. For this month's lifeskill, Possessions, let's look a little closer at what you have acquired over the years—hopefully without breaking your budget!

If you have never established a record of what you personally own, including what you are making payments on, now is the time to begin. This record as mentioned in the previous article is called a Home Inventory Sheet. You will be identifying every possession you own. You will then have a detailed list of your physical assets, their purchase date/value and replacement value. You can create this list the old fashioned way with a notepad and pen.

You can also utilize a money management software program, such as Quicken or Money Home Inventory to keep track of your possessions and their value. These types of software programs tied to your routine transactions you also record helps to make the connection between the "stuff" you accumulate and its impact on your cash flow and budget. When you check the balance in your checking account this way, there just might be less spontaneous purchases and more diligent deliberations on how your money is being spent. Whether the old-fashioned way or software route, you will need to have a physical and/or digital file of purchase receipts and warranty information handy.

First, when it comes to taking care of your home, vehicle, and other possessions, how much do you value your possessions? I often find myself asking, “Why did I buy that?” Whenever it’s cleaning the clutter day, that question again shows up. My answer routinely ends up being, “Well, it seemed important at the time!” Yet, as that possession accumulates dust, I wonder what I should do with it. Not certain, I just set it aside for another day.

Yet, eventually I faced each closet and corner. It actually felt great to finally let go of things that in the final analysis I didn’t need anymore and didn’t add value to my life. The word “simplify” played a key role in deciding what to keep and let go. This whole exercise brought home how much I really value my possessions and how I many times don’t.

I also ended up asking myself, “how does my 'stuff' control and clutter my daily life?" Is it a need or a want? If you find that some of your “stuff” isn’t really that important to you, write down two ways you want to simplify your life with your possessions. One of the first important lessons when thinking about buying another possession or even moving to another state is to know when it is a NEED and when it may only be a WANT. What is the difference?

It’s not always an easy distinction. We can also very easily rationalize the want into a need at any time. Wants can be very good things and become part of your life dreams and goals. And sometimes a want actually become a reasonable need. However, it is important to still know the difference. Knowing the difference can directly influence the way you not just spend your money but also your life. I routinely offer these five questions, Basic Buying Checklist, to help my clients prioritize their possession purchases, before they buy of course!

1. Is it a simple desire that I can do without or is it important and necessary to my life?

2. How does this item fit my personal, professional, and life goals?

3. Do I have the money to pay for it and take care of it?

4. Am I willing to give up something else in order to get it?

5. Am I willing to wait and create a SMART plan to purchase it later?

Write these down on a business sized card and put them in your wallet or purse next to your checkbook or credit card. Place them in a prominent place in your home to refer to when contemplating a purchase, small or big. The next article will focus on a variety of basic possession purchase and care tips. I leave you with Henry David Thoreau's thought gem . . . "The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it."

Keeping Records . . . Getting & Giving

2011-04-28T08:04:00.000-05:00

Did you know that the "stuff" or possessions you get used to having around you are all part of your net worth? As you routinely take care of your possessions, you actually stretch out the value of your net worth. You will also sustain your commitment to the budget you set for yourself.

Think about how much you would save if you took care of your car and held onto that car for more than just a few years? Rich White, executive director, Car Care Council (www.carcare.org) gives us a bit of car advice here with Keeping Your Car Can Save You Money (2008). "You’ve just made your last car payment. Should you keep the car or trade it in for a brand new vehicle? . . . People who keep their cars, treat them as valuable investments and commit to regular vehicle maintenance, end up saving a lot of money.”

The difference in the savings over a four year period between keeping your car and buying a new one could be $10,894, according to Runzheimer International. In that four year period, expenses for your current car, including fuel, license, registration, taxes, insurance, maintenance and tires less your resale value could come to $12,789. For a new car, expenses including the car payment, interest on the car loan, fuel, license, registration, taxes, insurance, maintenance and tires less resale value could total $23,683.

This is just one example of how important your possessions are in the long run. So, let's look at your home inventory of "stuff" that surrounds you. Create a Home Inventory Sheet that will identify every possession you own. It will give a detailed list of your physical assets, their purchase date/value and replacement value. By all means, if you prefer, utilize a money management software program, such as Quicken or Money Home Inventory to keep track of your possessions and their value.

Another element of life's responsibilities and joys is benevolence and giving. No matter how much "stuff" we accumulate, we never are quite satisfied. Yet, making a commitment in giving to others brings you far greater value in your life than that new car or awesome vacation home you have dreamed about for years. Believe me, I'm not one to spoil anyone's dreams and goals here. I just want to encourage you to consider how you can balance those dreams and goals as you touch the lives of others. Somehow, your own life is forever changed, and those dreams and goals you have gain greater meaning for you. They may even change a bit as you see the lives of others forever change.

You may wonder, "Where do I start?" It can be as simple as saying hello to your neighbor and seeing an opportunity to help them in some way. For those of us who live for the detail of things, how about creating a Benevolence & Giving sheet that offers you an outline of how you would like to contribute to someone's life and our society in a variety of ways. There are so many ways to contribute, whether in dollars, time, or materials. Here are eleven general organization areas you can consider. And I bet you are already contributing to many in ways you may not even thought you had.

RELIGIOUS ORGANIZATIONS/ CHURCH/MISSIONS: Organizations that support your faith and desire for outreach to humanity.
BASIC CORE VALUES & PRINCIPLES: Organizations that support your core values and life principles.
HISTORY/WESTERN CULTURE: Organizations that support your values and principles in global human affairs and lessons of history.
SCIENCE/MEDICINE: Organizations that seek truth in our universe and life on earth; observe and understand the natural world from a scientific and spiritual perspective. Be cautious about certain perspectives that may have extreme views and inappropriately discount the faith dimensions, credible scientific discoveries, and the principles of macro- and micro- adaptation.
HOME/FAMILY/VALUES: Organizations that encourage and support the family, home, and core human values.
PUBLIC POLICY/DOMESTIC AND INTERNATIONAL AFFAIRS: Organizations supporting human justice and compassion in legislation, domestic policy, and international relations.
BUSINESS AND LEGAL ISSUES: Organizations that support and train business leaders and legal advisors to advance integrity, honesty, and excellence in the work place and our nation’s legal system.
EDUCATION/CHILD DEVELOPMENT: Organizations that train young children, teens, and adults to be mature, informed, effective leaders in every field of life.
MEDIA/ENTERTAINMENT/CULTURAL DISCERNMENT: Organizations that support your core values in entertainment, news, cultural trends, and influence the media to improve the quality of programming.
SOCIAL MINISTRIES: Organizations whose mission is to provide an alternative to state-run welfare programs with effective, compassionate ministries to the underserved, needy and unfortunate.
IMPLEMENTATION: Organizations that coordinate and mobilize leaders across society to improve their communities and the world.

Celebrate the love and life that surround you. Help our young and growing adult generation embrace the values and compassion for humanity, beginning with your own family. Open your heart and eyes to all the possibilities for your neighbor, community, nation as you celebrate making forever memories for your life.

Keeping Records . . . your net worth

2011-04-17T10:40:00.000-05:00

What comes to mind when you say the word, worth? Various synonyms include terms such as meaning, value, significance, importance, merit. Helen Keller sees one's happiness and maybe even worth wrapped up differently. "Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose."

Abraham Lincoln viewed his happiness and worth with his walk with God. "It is difficult to make a man miserable while he feels worthy of himself and claims kindred to the great God who made him." So, when calculating your net worth, go a little further than how much you have in the bank or in the piles of possessions surrounding you. We all know how our fleeting money disappears and our "stuff" wears out. Yet, with a worthy purpose at home and work, and a humble, kindred heart toward God, happiness and worth are sure to be your valuable companions in life. Let's see how our financial net worth side of life fits with the journey.

Very few people actually know their net worth without having to rummage through all their papers and guessing at the value of their real estate and other assets. Most people have their names in their home, cars, businesses, and bank accounts. Yet, there are other assets and possessions rarely included in an overall net worth statement. And often people don't want to include them for the whole world to see. It all depends on the purpose of the net worth statement, such as applying for a loan or submitting annual tax returns. There are also tangible and intangible net worth that may or may not apply.

Putting aside any legal or business criteria for establishing your net worth, a more inclusive net worth statement serves as a personal benchmark for your financial wealth in making a myriad of life decisions. To begin, the calculation is as simple as taking all the assets you own and subtracting the debts you owe.

As simple as this sounds few people actually take the time to calculate their net worth. Just like most people need to know their check book balance, life decisions, such as marriage, buying a car or home, or starting a new business, are being made every day. Without a full understanding of what you own and what you owe, those decisions can create a downhill spiral of unfortunate events in the years ahead. Your dream about traveling to Europe or starting a small business fades away with every dollar spent on a closet full of high-end shoes or gadget that collects dust in the garage.

And keep in mind, your net worth changes every day, depending on property values, taxes, the stock market, and a plethora of other variables. Yet, this doesn't make it less important to maintain an accurate, complete, and up-to-date net worth statement. I realize, depending on your situation, keeping records to establish your net worth can get complicated. That's when calling on someone to give you some help can make all the difference. Yet, it's important to understand the basics when sitting in front of your trusted CPA or financial advisor. Your knowledge of the basics will not only keep you honest but your helpers as well.

The first step, if you haven't already done the basics, is to compile on a net worth sheet all liquid assets, i.e. money in bank as cash reserve (both savings and checking), retirement savings (company and personal), investments, social security income, and cash value of any life insurance. Then add your personal/physical property, such as auto, rental property, and every possession or "stuff' surrounding you.

If you are one to see the value of details, go through every room in your home, garage, yard and list your possessions from clothes, jewelry, linens, furnishings, electronics, lawn mower...you name it. Then give a value to your stuff (hopefully you have receipts to help you be more accurate making estimates; if not, use current cash value). Use the internet to find your possession and print off comparative value for documentation. Keep in mind if you paid $500 for your DVD last year and don't have the receipt, the current cash value may be $200 today. Also, check your insurance policy on what is covered. If personal property is included, they may have asked you for an estimate of value. Keep that in mind as you work to bring your home inventory value up-to-date. This home inventory list will be part of the total of all you own. When you add up all your stuff, you will undoubtedly be amazed at how much the home inventory total increases your net worth.

Now you are ready to compile a list of everything you owe, i.e. home mortgage/equity loan, auto and personal property loans, personal loans, credit card debt. Don't leave one item out. You will then be able to assess how you can reduce your debt and increase your net worth. Look at your possessions. Are there any items you can sell to reduce your debt? There are a number of financial software programs (e.g. Quicken, Microsoft Money) that can automatically create a net worth statement for you...that is, if you utilize it to maintain cash flow records. In addition, they have a home inventory feature that you can document all in one place your purchase and ownership of all kinds of possessions or "stuff" accumulated over the years.

At the end of the day, how does your net worth statement reflect your life dreams and goals? Are you missing your chance at reaching them? If so, begin today to change the way your net worth represents what is most important to you. The next article will cover the value and challenges of creating and sustaining a budget.

Keeping Records . . . a portrait of your life

2011-04-09T17:31:00.000-05:00

No matter how important and necessary, recordkeeping for most of us is one of the least liked chores. It is often a love/hate relationship. Difficulties with office organization, records and document management can waste up to 150 hours per year! How would you like to have at least 150 more hours of free time to use more productively? My hope and goal for this article is to help you not only have a “want to” for recordkeeping but also for “making memories.”

“Every man’s work, whether it be literature or music or pictures or architecture or anything else, is always a portrait of himself.” These words from the 19th century British writer, Samuel Butler, easily apply to the way we balance our checkbooks but also the memories we leave as our legacy to those we love. What is your primary attitude toward recordkeeping? (i.e. never paid much attention to it; I hire out; I stay close to my money and memories trail).

Why is it important to keep records? Are you among many American families whose spending habits are basically ignored because you believe you just don’t have the time, have no desire to record your expenditures or even talk about them? Here are a few habits I did routinely:

Never save receipts; let alone record them in some ledger or money management software program.
Do not communicate with each other on mutual spending decisions.
Loves spontaneous buying that feels good in the moment, not thinking about long-term consequences or life goals.
One spouse dominating financial decisions.
Don’t have a budget; and if you do, never review and stay committed to its purpose.
Have to own the latest gadget and what’s-it, thinking you will use it when you really know deep down you probably won’t.

Do these habits sound familiar? This list could go on and on. I bet you could add more creative ones yourself. These habits I once had in my own life are gratefully gone now. Do you save all your receipts?—bank statements, pay slips, household receipts/bills (i.e. food, housing, utilities, clothing, medicine, nutritional supplements, car repairs). If not, why? What kind of recordkeeping do you routinely do, both personally and professionally?

First, why is it important to keep records? If integrity is high on your list of core values, then recordkeeping is the training tool. There is no other way to preserve and maintain a check and balance on integrity than keeping accurate and honest records. Recordkeeping involves your personal and professional life. Recordkeeping tracks your career, money, possessions, and preserves your life memories for your loved ones.

What is Recordkeeping anyway? Here are the basic recordkeeping areas to create and maintain throughout your life: Net Worth, Budget, Home/Possessions, Benevolence & Giving, Emergency Records, Life & Family Memories. In this month's articles, each of these recordkeeping areas will be covered.

Your Net Worth Statement will be the first at the gate to give you an overview of your assets and liabilities. Here's a hint—assets are what you own and liabilities are what you owe. I will try to make this as simple and efficient as possible in establishing a basic routine you can easily incorporate into your life. I realize, depending on your situation, keeping records can get complicated. That's when calling on someone to give you some help can make all the difference. Yet, it's important to understand the basics when sitting in front of your CPA or financial advisor. Your knowledge of the basics will not only keep you honest but your helper as well.

“I’ve learned that you shouldn’t call a $100 meeting to solve a $10 problem.” This gem shared by H. Jackson Brown, Jr. in his book, The Complete Live and Learn and Pass It On, could easily be a gem for those of us trying to keep adequate and accurate books for our personal and business records. Keep this in mind as you begin your recordkeeping adventure ahead.

Do you have your Career Plan on Record?

2011-04-03T12:27:00.002-05:00

Robert ("Bo") Bennett, notable owner of Year to Success and many other career endeavors, defines himself as "a business man, author, programmer, philanthropist, martial artist, motivational speaker, amateur comedian, and most of all a husband and a father devoted to improving the lives of others."

He offers that "One's work usually occupies more than half of one's waking life. Choosing work that does not bring happiness will lead to a life that is mostly disappointing." He also give us a work around with "A dead end can never be a one way street; you can always turn around and take another road."

Where are you on that career road? Do you have your plan recorded? Moving forward as planned? Or has happiness on the job and life alluded you so far? No matter what junction you are currently facing, choice is always available to you. As Bennett has said, you can always turn around and take another road. Do you believe you can? You know, that is the first step—seeing possibilities beyond your current situation, charting your course, keeping a record of each step, and continuing the journey.

In the previous blog article, you were looking at your career options—your current job, your best match, and your close match. As you now focus on your top career preference, whether it's the one you are currently in or another area, here are some hints on the steps you will need to take. Visit these resources to garner more valuable tips and helps, www.sba.gov, http://www.toolkit.cch.com, http://sbdcnet.org). I also recommend you get objective, professional help with each step, such as career counselor/coach, local resources.

1. Determine your appropriate and required skills and talents

2. Create a realistic short-term and long-term career path with a competitive edge

3. Create a first-class resume for the targeted industry/profession

4. Strategically investigate the targeted industry/profession

5. Create a personal and professional networking group—short-term, long-term

6. Design a high visibility marketing plan for yourself

7. Learn how to negotiate preferred salary/wage

8. Be true to who you are, no matter the source of help you use.

I can't emphasize more the importance of an up-to-date, relevant resume to keep on hand at all times. When was the last time you reviewed your resume? Or do you even have one handy? No matter which applies, a resume is an essential tool for making career choices, job hunting, and any potential promotions along the way. How you also design your resume relevant to the market you are targeting is as important as what you place in your resume.

A resume summarizes your skills, educational background, vocational experience, and other information. It is not necessarily an autobiography but does provide biographical information pertinent to the job for which you are applying. A well written resume demonstrates how you are a match for that job position. Depending on the targeted market, your resume should have a slightly different focus. Your resume is an invaluable recordkeeping tool for your professional and personal life. Keeping a record of your journey can make all the difference in your life as you look forward and look back years later. Remember, at the end of each day you have actually finished recording another chapter of your career plan and life. Be sure to enjoy the adventure along the way!

As we continue to cruise through this month's lifeskill, Recordkeeping, in all its shapes and sizes. Being the practical man that Bennett is, I leave you with more of his practical thoughts to consider as you chart your course, watch for opportunity in the midst of the inevitable challenges, disappointment, and hopefully only a few rejections in your career path and life.

"Avoiding the phrase "I don't have time...", will soon help you to realize that you do have the time needed for just about anything you choose to accomplish in life."

"A dream becomes a goal when action is taken toward its achievement."

"A dream collage is pictures of your goals. It is like your future photo album."

"A good leader is one who can tell another how to reach his or her potential; a great leader is one who can help another discover this potential for him or herself."

"Rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success."

"A single question can be more influential than a thousand statements."

"An excuse becomes an obstacle in your journey to success when it is made in place of your best effort or when it is used as the object of the blame."

"An objection is not a rejection; it is simply a request for more information."

"Anyone who wants to sell you overnight success or wealth is not interested in your success; they are interested in your money."

"Be friendly to everyone. Those who deserve it the least need it the most."

"Diplomacy is more than saying or doing the right things at the right time, it is avoiding saying or doing the wrong things at any time."

"Enthusiasm is not the same as just being excited. One gets excited about going on a roller coaster. One becomes enthusiastic about creating and building a roller coaster."

"Every economy is uncertain. Referring to this or any economy as "uncertain" is an unnecessary and pessimistic redundancy."

"Every minute you spend in your life is either spent bringing you closer to your goals or moving you away from your goals."

"Every day, people settle for less than they deserve. They are only partially living or at best living a partial life. Every human being has the potential for greatness."

Your Job, Your Career—Love it or Leave it?

2011-03-31T10:48:00.000-05:00

As you consider the 17 foundation job skills for the 21st century offered in the last article by Lawrence K. Jones, of Career Key, what options do you see for choosing the perfect career for yourself? Remember those Basic Skills: Reading, Writing, Mathematics, Speaking, Listening; Thinking Skills: Creative thinking, Problem-solving skills, Decision-making skills, Visualization; People Skills: Social, Negotiation, Leadership, Teamwork, Cultural diversity; and Personal Qualities: Self-esteem, Self-management, Responsibility?

What are your own career options? What guideposts are you using to determine where you fit in this wide world of possibilities? One of the key tools for knowing your career options is your personality style. Have you ever taken a DISC Personality Report that offers you a practical and easy way to confirming what you probably already know about yourself? If you haven't, I encourage you to do so (you can access a low-cost report on my website either online to complete or have a hard copy mailed to you). Within the completed report, you have the option to add a Career Match Rider that will give you a "Best Career Match" and "Close Career Match."

Once you complete your DISC personality report and automatically add your career rider, get a piece of paper out. Create three columns. Write in the “Current Career Interests” column those careers you are currently pursuing or are of interest to you. From your DISC Personality Style Report rider, write down in the related columns those you believe are your top five Best Career Match and Close Career Match. Within each column just to the left, rate each column list separately (score 1-lowest, 5-highest) in order of preference at this time in your life.

How does your career interest column match up? What do you like to do so much you would almost feel guilty being paid for it? What about your current job? How does it fit what you see before you? Give yourself at least a half-day to quietly review what you see and write down your thoughts. Share them with your spouse, close friend, or a life coach.

When you think about your current job which phrase fits—Love it or Want to Leave It? If you love what you are doing, write down your main reasons why you love your current job. What one significant contribution has your job benefited your life? Be as specific as possible.

If you are not happy with your current job situation, write down the main reasons why you are dissatisfied. Then, list how you would like to see improvement or a change. How do you see your current job as a stepping stone toward your life career? Or do you? I know I've given you a lot of questions to consider here. You will definitely feel like you are experiencing a coaching conversation! Each question provides valuable focus on one of the most important decisions you will make in your life. So, take each question and ask your spouse or close friend each one. Then offer your responses as well. See what surfaces between you.

Be ready for the next article on creating a career plan, making a record of the path, as you focus on your top career preference. Here are a few hints on the steps you will need to take on that path: Determine your appropriate and required skills and talents; Create a realistic short-term and long-term career path with a competitive edge; Create a first-class resume for the targeted industry/profession.

Career Skills for the 21st Century

2011-03-29T19:55:00.000-05:00

“No man ever listened himself out of a job.” Calvin Coolidge, the 30th President of the United States, was a quiet and practical man with rural New England farming roots. As President, he was admired for restoring public confidence in the White House after a number of scandals marred his predecessor's administration. He left office with considerable popularity, with the ability to understand the longings and express them on their behalf. Coolidge zeroed in on one of the most important skills not just for getting and holding a job, but a skill essential for life and all relationships.

Listening is one of 17 foundation basic skills needed no matter what career you may choose. Lawrence K. Jones, of Career Key, offers a detail summary sheet in his classic book Job Skills for the 21st Century: A Guide for Students. It is also available at the Career Key™ website:

Here is a glimpse into these 17 Foundation Skills required in 21st century high-performance workplaces. They are categorized into four areas: Basic Skills, Thinking Skills, People Skills, and Personal Qualities.

Basic Skills: Reading, Writing, Mathematics, Speaking, Listening
Thinking Skills Creative thinking, Problem-solving skills, Decision-making skills, Visualization,
People Skills Social, Negotiation, Leadership, Teamwork, Cultural diversity
Personal Qualities Self-esteem, Self-management, Responsibility

During a quiet evening at home or on the weekend, review each of these skills in two arenas—work and family life. You may ask why family life? The reason, as we all know, is that family life and personal relationships directly impact how we behave and perform at work. So, which skills do you feel you excel at? What others do you see needing improvement? Then refer to Jones’ website to read in more detail each skill. How do you rate yourself now in each skill within each life arena?

Write them down in order of the score you give yourself (high 10, low 1). Then next to the skill scored the lowest, write down what you commit to do to improve your skill score. Ask a family member or close friend to help you stay on track with your commitment, related action, and timeline you set. Be SMART with your timeline (be specific, make is measurable, attainable, realistic, time-phased).

In three to six months, reflect on where you are with those skills. Share your thoughts with the person you chose to take the journey with you. Include your respond to these questions:

1. What impact have I experienced at work and home, not only with job performance but in key relationships?

2. Where do I want to go from here to advance other skills? (follow the same steps as with the first lowest skill you scored)

I encourage you to be kind to yourself and be in a job where you find joy. Johnny Carson left us with these valuable words of advice. “Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.” Here are few other quotes to ponder until our next time together when the focus will be on those options and tools available to you for choosing a career.

“Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.” Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC)

“You do your best work if you do a job that makes you happy.” Bob Ross (1942 - 1995), Best of Joy of Painting, Winter Elegance

“Do not hire a man who does your work for money, but him who does it for love of it.” Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)

Career Choice, your Core Values & your Money

2011-03-24T18:18:00.000-05:00

“Whatever career you may choose for yourself—doctor, lawyer, teacher—let me propose an avocation to be pursued along with it . . . Make a career of humanity. Commit yourself to the noble struggle for human rights. You will make a greater person of yourself, a greater nation of your country and a finer world to live in.” These words by Martin Luther King, Jr. offer us a clear mantle for living our core values. You will then be a better doctor, a better lawyer, a better teacher.

King also declared that “. . . It will enrich your spirit as nothing else possibly can. It will give you that rare sense of nobility that can only spring from love and selflessly helping your fellow man.” His words come from the heart borne of his parent’s passionate Christian faith, his own faith life journey, and passion for human justice.

When choosing a career, your core values and your finances are inseparable. Are your core values driving how you use your resources and assets toward choosing a career? What are your career goals? With your core values in the center, you will choose a career that fuels your life purpose, passion, and personality. Yet, the road getting there is not always a straight or level one—as we all know.

Stephen R. Covey, well-known author of the 10 million plus classic seller, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, researched all literature from 1776 written about success in one’s career and life. He noticed a startling pattern emerging from the mass of publications. Almost all literature of the first 150 years focused on what Covey defines as the Character Ethic—as the foundation for success.

The qualities most prevalent were integrity, humility, fidelity, temperance, courage, justice, patience, industry, simplicity, modesty, and the Golden Rule. This Character Ethic taught that there are basic principles of effective living, and that people can only experience true success and enduring happiness as they learn and integrate these principles into their basic character. How do you come close in the values you choose?

Since we all know the road in life will not always be straight or level, we need to gain a forward glimpse into some clues or guideposts that will help us navigate what’s ahead. With your core values or key principles setting the foundation, consider these eight guideposts for integrating your career, finances, and core values:

1. Lasting career rewards are not calculated in dollars. Satisfaction comes from building a career or business without selling your soul.

2. Loving your work by living your core values at work and home.

3. Being content when the good times roll and when the bad times linger.

4. Being a team player that can lead and follow.

5. Being genuinely benevolent that requires no applause.

6. Seeking as well as giving support and encouragement routinely, not just in crisis.

7. Being a life-long learner of truth and wisdom.

8. Integrating your faith as an essential part of your personal and career life. No matter the environment, it may not be easy, but is certainly possible.

These eight guideposts expand your capacity for living your core values. They bring you balance, consistency, contentment, collaboration, generosity, kindness, wisdom, and transcending meaning to your life. In the next article, Career skills for the 21st century will be covered. There are basically seventeen foundation skills needed no matter what career you may choose. See you then!

My Job & Technology--a merger made in . . . . !

2011-03-16T19:50:00.001-05:00

Have you ever wondered what your job and career would be like without your cell or smart phone, blackberry, tablet, laptop, your desktop computer? And don’t forget all the accessories we take for granted now, such as the handy flash drive, memory cards, you name it. And you decide whether technology is a merger made in heaven or ....! Or maybe a little of both?

Life without these wonder gadgets does go on. Yet, it would be a very different life indeed. Think about how everything we do each day is directly connected to those expanding data files with every use. What if they all instantly disappear from the screen, your smart phone, tablet or notebook? How do you communicate with your co-workers, family, friends, do research online, learn about someone else’s business, and, of course, win over your next client? No more LinkedIn, Face Book, My Space, Twitter! How about checking your bank balance, buying airline tickets, mapping directions to a prospective client’s address? Where do you find your colleague’s Outlook email address, directions, recipes? And then all the Pdf, Word, and multi-formatted images you have acquired over the years? All gone! The list of losses goes on and on.

Today, we really can’t conduct business without these gadgets if we want to be connected to the 21st century humanity out there. We can’t live without them, and we can’t live with them. What a paradox of the 21st century! Well, are you wondering why I am covering this as the month’s first article on Career/Money Management? Here’s the answer. Yours truly has just experienced what life without the computer feels like! Last year I bought a Dell desktop with 12 GB RAM memory. I thought I had the works that would allow me to interface with all kinds of software I use for my business as a lifeskills consultant and coach. Yet, within a month the power started to routinely crash.

The tech support calls began ten months ago. Each tech person said, “Hardware is fine. It’s a software problem.” Then they said, “It’s not a software problem; it’s a hardware problem.” I got juggled back and forth for months. All saying at some point at the end of them working on it, that It was fixed. Shortly thereafter something else went wrong, again and again.

With a countless number of Dell’s India “Pankaj” tech support people, I ended up with a computer that was worse off than ever before. Power crashing came back, all my multiple software programs went into “not responding” mode frequently each day, and then Norton and Windows started fighting each other. The final straw was when Windows Security Center Service was magically turned off and could not be started again. For whatever reason, the final tech person from India then wiped all my data files and several Windows operating system files.

I gave myself a few days to calm down before calling Dell again. Although I am sure there are probably several “Pankaj” tech people that are adept at what they do, I am very hesitate to give them a try again. I will get someone on my home shores or right here at home in Texas to be my tech help from now on as a backup. It’s amazing that Dell being located right here in Texas, we can’t get help locally. I’ve purchased Dell computers for the past 25 years and was always satisfied with their tech support, until recent years.

But life does go on. And there is some good news. Just two days prior to all coming to a halt, I backed up on My Book all my data files, including Outlook, financials, business and personal documents and images. And I was able to work on my laptop (which wasn’t working also since tech support did something in the past month). Yet, my wonderful husband and gifted brain-child figured it out so I could plug in My Book, use my laptop to write this blog and post it on time too!

I also bought another My Book and did a backup of my backup to put into my safe deposit box. I’ve been rotating out for a number of years with backups to my safe deposit box. Yet, my files number in the 100s of GB now. So, off to buy a terabit or two to get all the data files on three computers safely tucked away…just in case. I’ve become so tech-shy now. Several things will need to happen to raise my trust level again to an acceptable level.

I bet some of my readers have taken this journey as well. If so, I definitely now empathize with you. After a few days in sunshine to soothe my soul, I called Dell one more time and was routed to four more phone numbers; and disconnected twice! Oh well, take another deep breath...attitude, Sharon. Remember, your attititude...respectful but firm. Respectful but firm until I am fully satisfied.

Being a person who doesn't give up easily, I finally got "Arlyn" where ever she resides. She was the first that finally said she would order new mother board and power unit I've been telling them for the past ten months was the problem. It came in within 2 days and a local tech person showed up at my doorstep and installed them.

Believe it or not, they didn't work!...another defective mother board and power unit. A third set was ordered. The tech person came back, installed the third one; and it finally worked. Yet, this was only the beginning. Got a phone call from "Angel" from Dell's India tech support (God has a real sense of humor here!). Now the operating system was defective and Angel sent me a set of new restore CDs and helped me restore to factory the OS, plus doing all the updates. Angel also helped me to install the first three software programs out of the ten I need to get back on the computer for my business.

Although I wanted to shout a "hallelujah," I refrained myself for now from any presumptive declarations. I am currently installing all the software and am about half way with the related data files. I'm also practicing in each to make sure they work smoothly. Angel has been designated by point person on all tech issues going forward. They are definitely hoping I never need to call back. We shall see in the next several days. If all works, I will definitely shout "Hallelujah!"

I look forward to writing the next blog article when my computer and techy world will be again fully up and running well. See how optimistic I am already!

Time Mgt, part 4--the rest of SMART

2011-02-25T14:47:00.000-06:00

Throughout this month’s articles, the acronym letters for “SMART” time management related to your life goals has been covered. In review, “S” goals should be clearly defined and emphasize what you want to happen and why. Specifics help you focus on what you are going to do. Use direct action words to describe what you want to do.

The “M” of SMART means that goals are Measurable. Goals are manageable through a short-term as well as a long-term process. When you can measure your progress, you can then build confidence that shows change has occurred and you are on track toward reaching your target dates. The “A” for SMART are goals that are most important to you. Attainable and Actionable say you have begun to figure out ways you can make that goal come true.

You begin to develop the attitudes, abilities, skills, and financial capacity to reach them. You start to see previously overlooked opportunities for bringing you closer to your goals. Attainable goals are mastered in bite-size pieces; and not so far out of reach that your motivation and confidence is shaken along the way.

To finish out this month’s focus on time management, the “R” of SMART says Realistic goals are relevant doable goals. It’s not a vertical climb but an achievable slope with the skills needed already available. Your overall strategy and goals allow for a gradual progress toward achieving your goal. This strategy stretches you and even pushes you a little but won’t break your commitment or ability to keep moving forward. It supports where you are in the moment.

Setting a “never again” goal, whether with eating cake or chocolate, needs to be clarified when setting the specifics. Too difficult of a goal sets you up for feelings of failure. Instead, think about what outcome is best for your own health and wellbeing. What other ways can you state your goal and are more realistic? How about focusing on the positive rather than the negative? It may be more realistic to currently commit to eating an extra piece of fruit per day as you work towards reducing your intake of cakes and cookies. But make sure the goal takes some effort! Set the goal high enough for a satisfying accomplishment.

The “T” of SMART means Timely goals are set in a time frame that successfully moves you through the short-term and long-term strategies. For example, you can start with next week, in three months, six months, then two years. Choose whatever supports your specific, measurable, attainable, realistic goal. Don’t be too vague; set a time that says this goal is important in your life and has a sense of urgency motivating you to action now with each step.

As you contemplate how to incorporate SMART time management and goal setting into your life, here are some final tips to consider:

• Learn to politely say “No.” Sometimes God’s best is “No.”
• Seek excellence, not perfection.
• Garner Quiet Time at Home & Work = “ME” time
• Important but often neglected—Give dedicated time for your spiritual life. Read sacred and meditative books, be active in your church or synagogue; be part of an active home support group.

It is important to understand that although planning may set the course, it doesn’t always control the outcome. Knowing how to flex with the breeze or twisting gale is one of life’s valuable gifts. Achievements are great, but life is truly lived by the lessons we learn and the relationships we are blessed with. These truths do not make planning irrelevant. Quite the contrary, we have all heard the axiom, “People who fail to plan, plan to fail.”

Strategic planning definitely helps tip the scale more in your favor—for tomorrow, next year, even 30 years from now. Most life goals are built on small daily steps toward a larger goal. Begin to commit your time and dollars to specifically achieve your dreams and goals. Your time and money are intricately involved in the process of goal setting and daily living—where you live, work, utilize services, and every daily routine such as showering, breakfast, reading the paper, and watching your favorite TV program.

Take a moment here to think about this statement—Where ever you spend your money is where you spend your time & life! Next month’s articles will focus on career & money management—bringing synergy to your career choice and the way you manage your money with those precious moments given to you each day of your life.

Time Mgt, part 3—what’s “A” in SMART?

2011-02-19T15:39:00.001-06:00

So far, we have covered the first two acronym letters for “SMART” time management. For “S,” goals should be clearly defined and emphasize what you want to happen and why. Specifics help you focus on what you are going to do. Use direct action words to describe What you want to do. For example, “I want to lose 10 lbs” is specific, not “I want to lose weight.”

The “M” of SMART means that goals are Measurable. Goals are manageable through a short-term as well as a long-term process. When you can measure your progress, you can then build confidence that shows change has occurred; and continue to stay on track toward reaching your target dates.

Today, the “A” for SMART are goals that are most important to you, Attainable and Actionable say you have begun to figure out ways you can make that goal come true. You develop the attitudes, abilities, skills, and financial capacity to reach them. You start to see previously overlooked opportunities for bringing you closer to your goals.

Attainable goals are mastered in bite-size pieces; and not so far out of reach that your motivation and confidence is shaken along the way. Good intentions do count, but those nagging gremlins will try to tell you that it’s too much for you and just forget it. The goal needs to stretch you just enough so you can feel you can do it. You are in direct control of your step-by-step actions. If you seek to lose 20lbs in just one week, we all know that it’s not only unattainable but also unrealistic. A goal of loosing 1lb every one or two weeks is definitely attainable and realistic in achieving your ultimate goal.

This also holds true if your goal is to increase your savings. When you commit to reducing the number of nights you dine out and put that money in your savings account instead, you establish an attainable goal. Trying to put thousands of dollars in your savings account initially, when your budget doesn’t allow for it, is definitely unrealistic. Very soon you will be quickly discouraged when the bills come due or you have a surprise expense you didn’t know was coming.

The letters “R” and “T” of SMART will be covered in the next article, with these hints—“R” is for realistic goals that are relevant doable goals. It’s not a vertical climb but an achievable slope with the skills needed already available. “T” stands for timely goals set in a time frame that successfully moves you through the short-term and long-term strategies.

While you contemplate this week this SMART acronym, here are four more time management tips to consider:

1. Do most important tasks during most productive hours.

2. Simplify, avoid unreasonable deadlines, reduce unnecessary interruptions, monitor telephone time; turn off cell phone for a period of time in each day (while sleeping doesn’t count!).

3. Use your calendar to match your core values, goals, with scheduled activities; it is important to make sure you schedule in fun, R&R/personal development.

4. Be a “team” player who knows your own personality style and others; enhance your communication/collaborative skills; willing to give credit where credit is due.

Time Mgt, part 2—what is the “M” in SMART?

2011-02-12T09:58:00.005-06:00

In the last article, I asked you to think about your day, week, month, and year. Do you know where your hours go each day? When we think about time management, we are trying to manage time itself, ourselves, projects, and other people in our lives. Even time spent is money spent. How does it balance out for you?

No matter how chaotic things seem to get, time can be managed the SMART way. Doing some SMART planning/goal setting, and getting the desired results or outcomes involve the what, why, when, where, with whom, and how of your everyday life. The acronym, SMART, begins with the “S” of SMART.

For “S,” I noted that goals should be clearly defined and emphasize what you want to happen and why. Specifics help you focus on what you are going to do. Use direct action words to describe What you want to do. For example, “I want to lose 10 lbs” is specific, not “I want to lose weight.”

The “M” of SMART means that goals are Measurable. Goals are manageable through a short-term as well as a long-term process. When you can measure your progress, you can then build confidence that shows change has occurred; and continue to stay on track toward reaching your target dates. You may wonder, “How do I measure my progress in reaching my goals?” Here are a few basics about the process of measuring your progress.

1. Establish the fundamental process first.

What is your goal, short-term and long-term? Choose one goal to focus on so as not to overwhelm you.
Why are you committed to that goal? Your answer will be your motivating drivers for staying on course.
When do you want to achieve part (short-term) and your entire goal (long-term)?
Where do you want to work on your goal? This refers to your physical location—i.e. work, home, fitness center, college/university.
With whom do you want to assist or participate in reaching your goal? You may want to ask a friend, family member, co-worker, an advisor or counselor, a trainer, a life coach.
How are you going to achieve your goals? This refers to specific day to day, week to week, month to month processes that help you stay motivated and reach your goal (i.e. goal=save money; the first week I am going to reduce my dining out by one night a week and place saved money into a separate savings account. I will do this for one month; then reduce my dining out with one more night eating at home; I will then place the saved money into my separate savings account. I will repeat this until I reach the amount I want to save each month and continue until I reach my savings goal for each following year.)

2. Use the WHAT, WHY, WHEN, WHERE, WITH WHOM, & HOW measures above as natural components of the fundamental process day by day. Don’t miss one of these measures since they are the specifics of your desired goal. They become natural parts of the journey that you track.

3. Follow the fundamental process to make the measures valid. No matter how good our intentions are in setting goals and the means to reach them, we must be committed to the process each day, week, month in order for the measures to provide evidence of our progress toward the goal. But always be flexible with yourself. Life happens and interruptions occur out of our control. Just simply shift one or more of the measures, recalculate, and keep moving forward.

4. Improve the quality of the measures by utilizing available technologies. Utilize your computer, calendars/day planners, journaling; anything techie that will keep you motivated and on focus throughout the time frame you have established. You will then produce objective results every time.

5. Identify certain trigger points in the process that you can translate into measurable points in time. This basic part of the measuring process is essential to personally assess where you are in the journey of reaching your goal. These trigger points (i.e. lost 2 lbs the first month; saved $100 the first month) are giant motivating leaps for you to continue the journey each week and month you travel.
Can you think of anything I may have missed here? If so, feel free to email me. I would love to hear it. I’m sure I probably missed something.

In the next article, “A” for SMART will be covered. Here’s one hint: Goals that are most important to you, Attainable and Actionable, say you have begun to figure out ways you can make that goal come true. While you contemplate this part of SMART manage your time and goals, here are some additional tips I promised:

1. Take a 15 minute break each day for a quiet moment alone (“pause”) to rest your thoughts.

2. Delegate tasks when possible.

3. Avoid procrastination (honestly appraise your own indecisions/delays).

4. Take the stress out of work and home life.

5. Organize home and office space to be more time efficient and user friendly.

Time Management—does it still feel like high school?

2011-02-03T15:49:00.000-06:00

Do you remember when you were in high school and just about every minute was already scheduled for you? You jump in Mom or Dad’s car, they drop you off around 7:30 am or so, you run to your locker to pick up your textbook for your first class, and race to get in your seat before the bell rings.

The teacher then says, “Get out your books” or “Pop quiz!” And right then you really regret not studying last night and went skateboarding instead with your buddies. You jump from class to class, shove down your lunch, and finish the daylight hours with soccer practice. Then home you go to dinner and the drudgery of homework piled on your bed. You also can’t seem to keep your mind on the books when you have that date lined up for Saturday.

Oh, for those days when you knew exactly what you needed to do each minute of the day! And there was someone hovering over you to keep you on track. How is today for you, now that you are out of high school and either at college or a full-time job? Is it any different? Or do you still have someone hovering over you saying…”Remember the deadline tomorrow” or “You need to get to work on time.” Whether it’s your boss, your spouse, or roommate, does it feel like high school all over again?

Hopefully, you have moved on from those more adolescent years of hearing yourself say, “Oh, Mom, chill out. I’ll get it done!” You sure wouldn’t want to say that to your boss, would you? So, let’s assume we have all grown up, are a little older, and wiser too.

Think about your day, week, month, and year. Do you know where your hours go each day? When we think about time management, we are trying time itself, ourselves, projects, and other people in our lives. No matter how chaotic things seem to get, time can be managed the SMART way. Doing some SMART planning/goal setting, and getting the desired results or outcomes involve the what, why, when, where, with whom, and how of your everyday life. The acronym, SMART, begins with the “S” of SMART.

This means goals should be clearly defined and emphasizes what you want to happen and why. Specifics help you focus on what you are going to do. Use direct action words to describe what you want to do. For example, “I want to lose 10 lbs” is specific, not “I want to lose weight.” In this month’s articles, we will cover the other letters of SMART—“M” for measurable, “A” for attainable/actionable, “R” for realistic/relevant, and “T” for time-oriented/time phased.

As you consider each letter and what they mean for your life and the way you use your time, here are a few tips to get started. Other tips will follow in each article this month.

• Stay focused on what is important/not what is seemingly urgent; and know the difference (Now, Later, Never)

• Stay in the moment while seeking mastery and desired outcome

• Commit to defined priorities based on your core values and intrinsic motivators (motivated from the inside out, not solely by external or extrinsic pressures; intrinsic= I want to; extrinsic= I should)

• Schedule time for important matters; get home at a set time—and do not exceed it! Quality time include Quantity time too!

Relationships—who and what are driving you?

2011-01-30T10:32:00.000-06:00

“Women upset everything. When you let them into your life, you find that the woman is driving at one thing and you're driving at another.” George Bernard Shaw’s Pygmalion offers a one-liner for which most men find true and unsettling. Yet, isn’t it true for the opposite gender as well, for us women? Where do we begin to cross the gender divide and find common ground for our lives, relationships, and core values?

There are four specific areas for both men and women that drive our core values and relationships. The first is Vision. In the previous article I gave you some hints in the form of questions. “What larger, over-arching image do you have of yourself functioning at your best and living life at its fullest?” Have you had a chance to consider this question? Say your response to yourself right now. Then write it down to give some time to looking at your life as it is happening each day. How does your image functioning at your best and living life at its fullest match? See any gaps? If you do, pick one major gap to fill and give yourself a timeline for filling that gap.

Areas of Focus is your next driver in all relationships and choice of core values. In what five of the twelve lifeskill dimensions we cover throughout the year do you have the greatest readiness for change? (12 practical lifeskill dimensions—Relationships/Core Values, Time Mgt, Career/Money Mgt, Recordkeeping, Possessions, Housekeeping, Wellness, Meals, Childcare, Recreation/Entertainment, Reflection, Celebration). Write down those five lifeskill dimensions in order of priority. “Lifestyle prescriptions” from family, financial advisors, and healthcare providers can also factor into the prioritizing process. With each of the five you choose, follow along with these steps (write them down for referrals in the months ahead):

A. Desires: What do you want? In your own words, what are your stated desires for this area of focus? This is good to state in both an immediate goal and in a longer-term, more motivational goal.

B. Current State: Where are you at? Current status of the area of focus.

C. Destination: Where do you want to get to? What will that look like, stated specifically and as measurably as possible.

D. Committed Course: What are you making a commitment to do? The action steps involved, stated specifically—short-term, then long-term.

E. Challenges: What are you up against? What challenges or obstacles are in the way? What blocks your path?

F. Strategies to Meet the Challenges: What creative ways can you think of at this time to overcome the challenges or hurdles blocking you presently? Consider strategies of how to adjust and flex, to bend without breaking from the commitment. For example: when under a work deadline I will make my exercise session briefer, but not skip it.

Your third driver centers around this question, "Which one has the lowest life satisfaction score for you?" Are you ready to change that score within the next 30 days? Take one action this week to begin that change. Ask your spouse or close friend to help you stay accountable to your commitment.

At the end of 30 days, look at where you are and how you feel about that lifeskill at that moment, compared with 30 days ago. At six months do the same. If you are experiencing sustained change in that lifeskill, during the next six months choose the next lowest satisfaction lifeskill you want to work on. Follow up on each of the five lifeskills in the same manner. At the end of each six month to one year, look at how these changes have impacted your core values and relationships. I bet you will experience some significant discoveries about yourself, and certain relationships that do and do not support your core values. You may find yourself spending more time with people who do and less with those who don’t. You may also begin to see your everyday life as more fulfilling, cohesive, directional, and peaceful.

The changes you are making with each lifeskill, with the help of your spouse or friend, demonstrates the essential fourth area, Actions & Sources of Support, you are committed to travel not just in the year ahead but throughout your life. Who do you want to go on this journey with you, to help you take action and stay motivated along the way? Next to each of the five prioritized lifeskill, specifically state who and what are your sources of support, encouragement, and accountability as you follow your life plan into new territory?

When you choose that friend to journey with you, remember to show gratitude to the one you have entrusted to help you stay the course to the life you always have wanted and didn’t know how to get there. Melodie Beattie, one of American’s notable authors on self-help and co-dependency books, has her own commendable perspective on gratitude.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."

She definitely has touched each lifeskill with her perspective. What an awesome glimpse into the possible for each of us! See you next month when “Time Management” has center stage for making our everyday lives more manageable and friendly.

Relationships—Getting to the Core

2011-01-26T08:57:00.006-06:00

From conception to our final days, we are all influenced by the many relationships we experience in life. Do you sometimes wonder where your values come from and where they take you?

Most prominent influences are Family, Faith, and Friendships. Also, consider what key conditions and events in your life have impacted the decisions you have made. Write down your own response to how each area has shaped your values in life. Along with Family, Faith, and Friendships, other areas include Career/Co-workers, Culture/Society/Global, Genetic Predisposition, Media (including Internet), Neighborhood/Community, Self-determination/Choices, and even those you consider your enemies.

Are you ready to take the first step in building solid core values that are at the heart of all relationships, and everything you do each day? For most of us, we don’t spend much time thinking about what we believe and why we do what we do. We typically live each day on autopilot. Even when we try to set goals for next month, next year, or in five years, we get stuck. We get stuck because we haven’t connected our “to do” list in life (that often times haunt us) with what really motivates and drives the choices we make.

Yet, when we do make the connection, our dreams and goals become a natural flow of who we are and where we are going. We begin to know we are in the right place at the right time throughout the journey. Yes, there are moments when it won’t feel like it. However, it really doesn’t affect our clarity of who we are. Again, as the last article mentioned, we hold close those three basic human needs and freely share them with others . . . TO BE ACCEPTED, TO BE SECURE, TO BE SIGNIFICANT.

We are willing to stay the course into the unknown and be flexible with the ups and downs of life that come our way. Remember, my “slinky” axiom? “Life is sometimes like a stretched out Slinky. This classic toy reminds us that in life we all have ups and downs. We will also sometimes feel like we are going around in circles. But be of good cheer, look a little closer…you are still moving forward!"

Are you now ready to shift out of autopilot into conscious awareness and action? If so, it’s time to claim your top ten core values for your life and wrap all your relationships around them. Write your top ten values down, speak them to your spouse or close trusted friend. Ask for feedback.

These ten core values represent those motivating characteristics you embrace when living your life with integrity and on purpose. These core values will impact your overall life balance as well as those lifeskills experienced every day—choice of friends, the way you use your time, career option, how you handle your money, keep records, buy and take care of your possessions, handle housekeeping routines, wellness, meals, childcare, how you play, reflect and celebrate your life each day.

During the coming week, place your core values you have written down on your refrigerator, in your car, on your desk, in your purse or wallet . . . wherever you will see them most often. Reflect on each one and see what thoughts surface about your relationships that demonstrate any one or more of your core values.

In the next article, four specific areas will be covered that are driven by your core values and relationships. Here are some hints that will help you take the first steps:

1. Vision – What larger, over-arching image do you have of yourself functioning at your best and living life at its fullest?

2. Areas of Focus – In what five of the twelve lifeskill dimensions are there the greatest readiness for change? (12 practical lifeskill dimensions—Relationships/Core Values, Time Mgt, Career/Money Mgt, Recordkeeping, Possessions, Housekeeping, Wellness, Meals, Childcare, Recreation/Entertainment, Reflection, Celebration).

3. Lowest Satisfaction Lifeskill – Of the five you have the greatest readiness for change, which one has your lowest level of life satisfaction?

4. Actions/Sources of Support - Who can go on this journey with you, to help you take action?

Relationships—What does it take to go the extra mile?

2011-01-15T12:39:00.003-06:00

When you think about your relationships at home and work, what seems to be the most rewarding part of knowing those in your life? What seems to be most difficult part of certain relationships? Write down your thoughts right now.

How many times have you gone the extra mile or more with some people? Are you getting the point where you are just about to give up on them or maybe yourself? Tom Brokaw, former news anchor and managing editor of "NBC Nightly News,” offered some sage advice on relationships to the Darmouth College commencement speech, June 2005. “In pursuit of passions, always be young. In your relationship with others, always be a grown-up. Set a standard and stay faithful to it.

Let’s then venture into what we all need when it comes to relationships and going the extra mile. I believe there are three basic human needs in relationships. These three needs are essential when reaching for the highest core values in all relationships. When getting back to these basics and experiencing them in your own life, you can actually go the extra mile for someone else and even enjoy the ride.

• TO BE ACCEPTED

• TO BE SECURE

• TO BE SIGNIFICANT

With these a natural part of who you are, you will more readily encourage them in others. People will be attracted to your secret to feeling accepted, secure, and significant in your life. You will have the opportunity to share your story, your journey to get there.

These basic needs have everything to do with how we see ourselves, others, even God. The needs also drive how we treat each other. To accept oneself is the beginning, just as you are. If you believe God accepts you as you are, then why not yourself? This can be a huge hurtle for some to climb and may need some extra help to get there. So often in life, relationships are broken along with one’s self-image and capacity for forgiveness and healing of the heart. No matter what the other person decides, you do have a choice to experience acceptance of yourself right now.

Give yourself time to reflect on this. Get help if you feel you need it. You will then begin to encounter opportunities to be more secure in yourself, and start to discover ways to feel significant in who you are and where you are heading, both personally and professionally in all relationships. Amazing things happen with those around you when they start to see you live a life of acceptance, safety, and significance demonstrated from the inside out each day.

In the meantime, here are some insightful and a few witty quotes to consider. I offer my own here . . . “Life is sometimes like a stretched out Slinky. This classic toy reminds us that in life we all have ups and downs. We will also sometimes feel like we are going around in circles. But be of good cheer, look a little closer…you are still moving forward!" The next article will focus on core values and where they come from and where they take you.

What is hardest of all? That which seems most simple: to see with your eyes what is before your eyes” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle." Col. John P. Stapp, Stapp's Ironical Paradox

"The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated, the desire to be important." Andrew Carnegie

“As man draws nearer to the stars, why should he not also draw nearer to his neighbor?” Lyndon B. Johnson

“It never rains on your neighbors without you getting your feet wet.” Chinese Proverb

"Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbor’s noisy party than being there.” Franklin P Jones

“Regard your neighbor’s gain as your own gain, and your neighbor’s loss as your own loss.” Tai Shang Kan Ying P’Ien

“A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love.” Pearl Buck

"Why is it that people always need love and understanding the most at a time when they probably deserve it the least?” Lou Holtz

"What makes a woman beautiful? For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; for a slim figure, share your food with the hungry; for beautiful hair, let a child run their hands through it; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone." Audrey Hepburn

"Sometimes our light goes out but is blown again into flames by an encounter with another human being. Each of us owes the deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this inner light." Albert Schweitzer

Relationships—Sharing the Same Dreams & World

2011-01-05T15:49:00.002-06:00

Happy 2011 New Year to all my readers! Are you ready for some new adventures in your lives, opportunities to have some dreams come true, and touch your community and our world in the midst? If so, let’s get started with this month’s lifeskill focus, Relationships/Core Values. If you are a new reader, I welcome you to the journey this year through twelve practical daily lifeskills (listed on my website, www.harvestenterprises-sra.com). The adventure has just begun.

How are your relationships so far at home, work, and around the world? Do you know the way you treat each other at home and on the job can directly impact your neighbors, community, and those across the globe? You may ask, “How can that be?” Well, I want to share with you something that was recently sent to me that says it all.

We have an extraordinarily gifted performer right in my Texas hill country community. You may already know of him. Donald Braswell (http://www.donaldbraswell.com/) has a miracle story and a one-of-a-kind voice to share with the world. He has performed in Texas, around our nation, and the world. Most recently he performed with Tim Janis at Carnegie Hall 2010 Christmas Concert. He has been interviewed by Texas Public Radio and many other notable venues. His voice captures the heart and soul of what it means to care for the human spirit. Donald has an enduring passion to also touch the lives of those who need hope and opportunities to make their own dreams come true.

Donald recently received a request to use one of his songs for a video clip by a 17 year old Iranian student. Donald gave his permission, and then shared his heart with his fans across the nation and world about his song used in the video. With his permission, here are Donald’s own words:

“A young man, 17 years old, who lives in Iran, named Alireza Zamani, put a montage video together with a song I wrote called “We Are the Same You and I” as a backdrop. He had contacted my Fan Club President to ask permission to do this. At first when I heard he wanted to do this I said no because I was extremely nervous that he might make some religious statement that pertained only to his culture and region or some religious agenda using my song as a propaganda tool. When I wrote this song my hope was that it could be a message of warning to all that if we don’t come together in this world that the slow destruction of our humanity will continue until the world that our children inherit will be uninhabitable both socially and environmentally. I’m not an environmentalist, am not educated enough on the topic to be one and I can’t say I’m a liberal or conservative. Not a party person either. I’m a father and as a father I think and worry of this every day.

I realize that it is easy and I am guilty myself, to assume that cultures different than our own could possibly have only our destruction in mind. It is easy to make this argument in light of all that is happening when we see predominantly a one sided picture of “those other people” which could be anyone. I have no doubt that there are radical groups bent on religious hate, cultural hate and racial hate, all over the globe, including right here, who would see not just our end but the end of many who are or seem to be ‘different’.

Alireza is a 17 year old in the Middle East from a country like many in that area that we all as a nation, assume, that they are all the same with the same goal in mind which is to see us disappear from the planet. Alireza is proof that anywhere any of us would like to in whole or in part, assume that all are against us or someone else. From this video, sometimes harsh, one only needs to know that this is a dreadful and deadly mistake for any of us to assume. Alireza believes that all in the world need to find peace with each other and that all together we can achieve that goal for generations to come. But like his vision, it can only work if we all realize we are not really that different. This is a 17 year old in Iran. He is not one, I guarantee you, he is among many who are wanting to let us know and others that we can’t have a narrow minded view about anyone from any culture in this world. There are many millions if not billions who are mothers and fathers and children and families and singles who all share the same dream and vision for every one of us everywhere.

That dream is that we could all be a species that is united for each other and for the precious world we live in that we are all responsible for.

Please watch the video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-JK7LtyUlY

Thank You, Donald”

New Ways to Celebrate 2011

2010-12-31T14:07:00.000-06:00

Now that Christmas is over and the New Year is almost upon us, many will probably be hosting or at least attending a New Year’s party. Are you heading for New York to watch the ball drop, or just on your TV while reclining on your cozy couch? Each year during the New Year’s Eve celebration in Times Square in New York city’s Manhattan, the time ball made by Waterford Crystal along with electric lights is raised to the top of a pole on One Times Square building, then lowered to mark the coming of the New Year.

The Ball descends 77 feet within a minute to rest at the bottom of its pole at 12:00 am. Toshiba's Times Square billboard directly below the ball counts down to midnight as well. At least one million people each year gather in Times Square to watch the ball drop. An estimated one billion watch the video of the event, with 100 million in the United States.

For New Years Eve, some host parties and dinner, go dancing, or use the holiday to do try something audacious. Whether you’re looking for a quiet, chaotic, fun or fancy night, Catalog.com information library gives us the top ten ways people spend New Year’s Eve day.

10. Sleeping in their comfortable beds until 11:55pm to watch the ball drop on TV, say Happy New Year to family, then return to their warm beds.

9. Watch Ball Drop in NYC in very warm clothes and comfortable shoes, feeling one of their New Year celebration adventures can be checked off.

8. Walt Disney World has become party central for many families on New Year’s Eve—with grand parades, rides, light shows and performances by your favorite characters.

7. Watch Home Movies and Eat Favorite Foods are a standard for families with small children, making their own tradition with a buffet of favorite foods and a night of home movies.

6. On the Slopes at some of the posh ski resorts who host New Year’s parties—with white mountain scenery, a burning fireplace and yummy hot food. During the day the family enjoys skiing and fireworks by night.

5. A Romantic reservation at a nice restaurant or an intimate homemade dinner in the company of your significant other is a simple, romantic way to celebrate the future.

4. Southern Charm in Savannah, Georgia, is the spot where locals gather at City Markets New Year’s street party for live music, dancing, food and fireworks; and book a cruise on a riverboat for a midnight toast on the river; then watch on New Year’s Day the polar bear plunge.

3. Run 4 Miles in Central Park with the New York Road Runners while a mass of people stand pressed together in Time Square, or another, more spacious gathering 30 blocks north in Central Park.

2. Fireworks over the New York side of Niagara Falls as more than three million lights illuminate the falls for the thousands of people in attendance and the nation that watches the live broadcast.

1. Host a Party and get all dressed up, someplace to go with your social circle, then a pot luck New Year’s Party in your home. Hang a disco ball and white Christmas lights, play the ball dropping the background and make a champagne toast at the stroke of midnight.

What has been your annual New Year’s Eve tradition? Any of the ten ways listed above? In checking over the ten ways to celebrate here, How would you like to begin new ways to celebrate 2011? Which one(s) on the list? If you have young children in your family, ask each one what they would like to do? As they grow older each year, plan together something you all want as new ways to celebrate. I encourage you to experience the simply joys at home and the more adventurous ones nearby or across the nation and globe.

For families with young children, even teens, I bet you and your kids go to the local fireworks stand to shoot off some dazzlers and rockets, if you are not in a restricted drought zone. Or maybe, you go to your city park to see what nifty sparks fly through the air this year. No matter how you celebrate the start of the New Year, be sure to share it with loved ones and friends—making forever celebration memories for 2011 and beyond.

Celebrating—The Passing of Gifts

2010-12-30T12:25:00.002-06:00

This is the perfect season to celebrate those special family traditions that mean so much to you and your loved ones. What family traditions have your loved ones passed on to you and your children? I know one at Christmas time in my family…Grandma’s ginger cookies were all placed in the stockings hung over the fireplace mantle. Those cookies bring sweet memories of bygone Christmases together with parents and grandparents when our daughters were very young. And a juicy navel orange was also placed there. You may ask, “Why an orange?” This tradition goes back to my husband’s parents during the Depression years and around WWII and after where fresh fruit was scare and often rationed.

This has reminded us of how precious a simple orange can be in the midst of our abundantly affluent world today. It also reminds us that there are many even today who are struggling to make ends meet, are homeless, and without a job. We then are much more grateful for what we have and want to share our blessings with others who need to be encouraged.

There is one special lady living in the Boerne community who creatively knows how to celebrate “The Passing of Gifts.” Juanita Chipman is the notable descendant of the Ferdinand Herff Family legacy in Boerne and the Texas Hill Country. Over her lifetime, she has accumulated family pictures, journals, and memories that cover the last two centuries. Juanita wanted to share her life and family’s legacy with the world. So, she wrote a book, “The Passing of Gifts” to give us a glimpse into the life of those families who came across the ocean to this brave new world called “America” to settle in the Texas Hill Country.

Dr. Herff ’s great-great granddaughter, 88 year old Juanita Chipman (Mrs. Guy), is celebrating the debut this year of her book, "The Passing of Gifts", which has taken a lifetime to write. As Becky Crouch Barrales shared in Luckenbach Moon Newsletter, November 2009, EVERYBODY’S SOMEBODY, Dr. Ferdinand Herff, Pioneer Doctor—“We should never take for granted our personal or regional history. The book includes the remarkable life of this pioneer doctor, his family, and the beginnings of our Hill Country – especially Bettina, Boerne and San Antonio. This German culture still exists here today.”

The impact of her family’s legacy has significantly touched the birth and growth of our wonderful hill country communities, including San Antonio. I encourage you to obtain a copy of Juanita’s book and enjoy her “Passing of Gifts” journey. Contact the Cibolo Nature Center (www.cibolo.org) to learn where you can get a copy.

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and Holiday that brings you joy, peace, and new beginnings. I leave you with this question to ponder for the next article, “How would you like to begin new ways to celebrate in the New Year?”

Hi-Tech Celebrating

2010-12-28T15:44:00.000-06:00

“What hi-tech ways do you think of to celebrate and create new memories?” I imagine the first thing that comes to mind is the computer. We tend to assume that the computer has only been around since Apple and Microsoft came into existence. Actually, hi-tech computing ingenuity started much earlier.

According to Wikipedia, “The first use of the word ‘computer’ was recorded in 1613, referring to a person who carried out calculations, or computations, and the word continued to be used in that sense until the middle of the 20th century. From the end of the 19th century onwards though, the word began to take on its more familiar meaning, describing a machine that carries out computations.”

As a weaving artisan in the fiber arts over the years, I was familiar with the history of the Jacquard loom (invented 1801), which was one of the first programmable devices. Joseph Marie Jacquard made an improvement to the textile loom by introducing a series of punched paper cards as a template which allowed his loom to automatically weave intricate patterns. This Jacquard loom was an important step in the development of computers and programming because the use of punched cards to define woven patterns.

Yet, the modern computer had its beginnings with two separate technologies—automated calculation and the ability to program devices. No single device can be identified as the earliest computer because of the inconsistent use of the term in earlier centuries. Some examples of early mechanical calculating devices included the abacus, slide rule, and the Antikythera mechanism, an ancient astronomical computer built by the Greeks around 80 BC. One of the more fascinating computing inventions by the Greek mathematician Hero of Alexandria (c. 10–70 AD) was a “. . . mechanical theater which performed a play lasting 10 minutes and was operated by a complex system of ropes and drums that might be considered to be a means of deciding which parts of the mechanism performed which actions and when. This is the essence of programmability.”

Another marvelous creation was the "castle clock." The invention was an astronomical clock invented by Al-Jazari in 1206 and is considered the earliest programmable analog computer—displaying the zodiac, solar and lunar orbits. It had a crescent moon-shaped pointer travelling across a gateway causing automatic doors to open every hour, and five robotic musicians who played music when struck by levers operated by a camshaft attached to a water wheel. The length of day and night was re-programmed to compensate for the changing lengths of day and night throughout the year.

Mankind’s ingenious ways to bring about the many hi-tech gadgets we have today offers us almost limitless ways to celebrate the hi-tech way and create memories that can be passed down throughout the generations. The basic difference between the simple and hi-tech ways to celebrate has everything to do with the use of the computer, software programs, and creating digital libraries for your memories. While the more traditional, simple way is to create hands-on photo albums, diaries, journals, and creative objects that represent memories of people, places, and things you want to record and celebrate.

Using the computer as a vehicle to hi-tech venues, it takes a certain degree of technical aptitude and lots of creative thinking in the use of the software and online options available to you. If you want to take advantage of all that is available, you will need to have the right attitude about the learning curve you will be traveling. For some personalities, it’s not an easy road to travel on. Yet, I believe any personality style can venture into the computer/cyber world to find awesome ways to celebrate and create forever memories as long as the attitude of gratitude is driving your motivation along the way. I encourage you to give it try as a curious student of life and learning. And if you need some technical help, by all means seek out someone in your family, your savvy teen child, a friend, or even hire someone to help you get out of the “routine rejoicing rut” to create memories that will last forever that everyone can share in the years ahead.

Here are just a few possibilities for hi-tech memory makers:

 Slideshows—The easiest do-it-yourself way to create your own CD/DVD is to use computer programs, such as Microsoft Word, PowerPoint, WordPerfect Presentations, or Apple's Keynote.

 Audio tapes/CDs—If you still have the traditional audio cassette tapes with your children’s baby sounds and Christmas tape, I recommend you convert them to an computer audio format (such as .mp3 or .wma) to place on a CD/DVD to preserve these memories.

 Video DVDs—This memory maker takes you to the next level, combining not just photos, but action videos, music, your own oral history on video.

 Family Websites/Interactive Sharing—Here’s the ultimate possibility for preserving family memories for the world to see. Every day more families are creating their own website. There are now very easy ways to set up your own family website, with pictures, stories, family newsletter, email & instant messaging connections. In addition, there’s many social networking website, such as MySpace, Twitter, Face book, and more. You will need to learn the “rules of the road” for these as well.

If the hi-tech road to rejoicing and celebrating is new to you, I encourage you to take your time to avoid being overwhelmed with techy stuff. Your journey will then be a lot for more with each step. To help you make the connection between the old with the new, the next article will focus on “What family traditions have your loved ones passed on to you and your children?”

Simple Celebrating

2010-12-27T11:30:00.001-06:00

Celebrating involves creative thinking and creating memories in order to get out of our routine rejoicing rut we’ve been accustomed to for so many years. Are you ready to have fun with some planning? Are you ready to make new memories last forever? If so, check your “this is just more work” attitude at the door; and say hello to your long dormant creativity and confidence-building for really celebrating! Zig Ziglar, notable motivational speaker, encourages us to celebrate with confidence. “Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a rowboat and taking the tartar sauce with you.”

Creativity comes alive with this kind of confidence! Are you ready? Let’s get started with simply ways of celebrating. Most of the time, we may just go out to dinner, to a movie, or just put up our feet and do absolutely nothing for at least part of the day. These are great ways to be spontaneous and say to yourself, “Congratulations.” And we need to routinely celebrate in simple ways. Yet, celebrating is much more than just saying, “Wow, I’m so glad that job is over, and I don’t have to think about it for another six months or a year.”

Let’s now dream a little and dream a lot! This is all about the what, why, where, when, how, and with whom do you celebrate. In the previous article, I asked several questions. The first was “What simple ways do you celebrate and create new memories?” One of my own more simple ways to make memories and celebrate my life and family is scrapbooking. Last year I pulled out two large boxes of memories on both my daughters. I decided after 25 years of saving every treasure, I had better put together those scrapbooks I promised myself years ago. About ten years ago I took a Creative Memories workshop to get myself started. Unfortunately, the enthusiasm was lost somewhere along the way.

Yet, in my more senior years lately, I recommitted myself to the project and finally sorted through it all. I also bought the materials needed to save those precious notes, cards, tapes, baby footprints, and prom corsages. I am just about to start working on my grandson’s baby album. . . this time before he reaches 30 years old! It actually started to be fun again—bringing tears of joy and even some sad moments. We all know life brings both and are worthy of remembering with gratitude for the blessings of today.

Here are a few examples of simple memory makers to celebrate your own memories—The traditional photo album, scrapbook/family history book, legacy “treasure” boxes. Legacy “treasure” boxes are decorative boxes that have a particular theme and hold precious memories related to that theme. This is a perfect way to hold dear those items that just can’t fit into a scrapbook. You can place them around your house with your albums and scrapbooks for your family and guests to get to know those special moments in the life of your family.

No matter the methods you use to make forever memories, they all involve time and commitment to what is most important in your life. Are you ready? With this coming weekend, give yourself some quiet time to consider how you want to begin celebrating simple ways for you and your family. If you already have your photo album or scrapbook started, pull them off the shelf and spend a few glorious hours adding to each as you enjoy going down memory lane. And if you have an old empty shoe box laying around, bring out the glue, paint, ribbons, glitter . . . whatever floats your boat! Start decorating your first legacy “treasure” box.

In the next article, some hi-tech celebrating ways will be covered. In the meantime, “What hi-tech ways do you think of to celebrate and create new memories?”

Start Celebrating!

2010-12-09T11:13:00.000-06:00

The American Heritage Dictionary offers a variety of definitions for the word, celebrate. “To observe (a day or event) with ceremonies of respect, festivity, or rejoicing. To perform (a religious ceremony): celebrate Mass. To extol or praise: a sonnet that celebrates love. To engage in festivities: went out and celebrated after the victory. When looking a little deeper at the origin of the word, celebrate, the Latin rendering gives us celebrre, or celebrt-, to frequent, celebrate, from celeber, celebr-, frequented, famous.

So, when it comes to celebrating, we are encouraged to not only give honor to a particular day, event, or even sing a sonnet to celebrating love’s enduring seasons. We are to celebrate frequently and even famously. How many of us honestly, regularly rejoice, and frequently just have a good time?

Life often drags us along in a never ending saga of trials and tribulations. We may also get tired of hearing the word itself. Yet, no matter the circumstances, we do have a choice to cheer up, even if it’s just to celebrate that you wake up in the morning and are still on this side of the ground! But don’t stop there. Let’s do some creative brainstorming on how to celebrate. What Good News do you have right now?

When you hear some good news about something you’ve waited forever for, how do you celebrate your Hoorays!? Getting out that vintage bottle of champagne or chardonnay is always a pleasant tradition. Yet, I hope drinking and getting drunk isn’t your first priority for celebrating. If so, maybe it’s time to broaden your creative horizons on how to celebrate good news and everyday life. Here’s your opportunity to get out of the routine rejoicing rut.

What simple ways do you celebrate and create new memories?

What hi-tech do you think of to celebrate and create new memories?

What family traditions have your loved ones passed on to you and your children?

How would you like to begin new ways to celebrate?

While you consider your responses to these questions, this month’s lifeskill blogs will focus on all the ways you can make this holiday season extra special for family, friends, and neighbors done the street. I leave you with an Oprah Winfrey classic: “The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.”

Forgot to Say Thank You?

2010-12-01T16:23:00.000-06:00

Now that Thanksgiving is over, did you really forget to say thank you to those special ones? If so, be not dismayed. Here’s your chance again. Let’s cover a variety of ways you can make someone feel special. From a simple card or phone call to a trip around the globe, let your imagine take off (that is, as long as your budget can handle it)!

A thank you does not have to involve financial cost. Yet, if that’s what you want to do, you feel it’s the right thing to do, and have the money for it, by all means, go for it. When you really know that person, you will recognize what special thing to do or give. And, remember, a simple thank you is often just the right thing to do and touches the heart and life. In addition, spending time putting something together yourself for that person often means more than buying an expensive gift. Or, just simply express in some way that you understand and care about what they face each day. So, don’t think a phone call of thanks or a card w/ a personal note has significantly less impact than gifting them a trip to the Castles in Ireland! Believe me, it doesn’t.

Here are just some basic ways to say thank you to get you started:

• Always verbally communicate appreciation/thank you whenever you can.
• Write a short letter or “thank you” note (sending online greeting cards personally designed by you works too). Small “thank you” note card, even regular stationary are personal ways to show our gratitude. Give a small, inexpensive gift, when appropriate, either purchased or made yourself.
• Treat the person to a meal, a movie, or just a favorite snack.
• If you want to spend a bit more money, consider taking out an advertisement in the local paper; but make sure the public message is appropriate and won’t unduly embarrass the person.

Each person impacts your life in different ways. A friend may give you a loan at a time when it was greatly needed. Your boss may have shown his appreciation of your work with time-off or a bonus. Your kids may have surprised you after coming home from work with the house all cleaned up. You know, it is possible! Your doctor may have helped you improve your health. Your husband may surprise you with a romantic dinner he actually cooked at home for you (and the kids are sleeping overnight at a friend’s house too). There are all kinds of possibilities that can shine during your daily life.

Below are those lifeskills I coach/consult client on that cover just about anything you may being doing each day. I bet there is someone (family, friend, co-worker, neighbor, even a stranger) who has made all the difference for you in each area. Read through each lifeskill and choose a person who has touched your life in that area. And if it turns out to be yourself in some area, by all mean include “you” in the thank you. Then start planning those thanks soon. If there is someone who may no longer be with us, think about someone within their family or friend to share your thank you and gratitude.

Relationships/Core Values: (Who has been exceptionally supportive of your core values and relationship? How would you like to say thank you?)

Time Management: (What person has made your days go more smoothly, saving you time and energy? How would you like to say thank you?)

Career/Money Management: (Who in your professional/personal life has significantly impacted your career opportunities and ability to wisely manage your finances? How would you like to say thank you?)

Recordkeeping: (Who has helped you maintain thorough and accurate records to preserve your integrity? How would you like to say thank you?)

Possessions: (What person has kept you clearly focused on simplifying your life and possessions, helping you keep your priorities in balance? How would you like to say thank you?)

Housekeeping: (Who has kept your home clean and clutter-free more than anyone? How would you like to say thank you?)

Wellness: (Who has encouraged you the most to pursue and sustain your health and well-being? How would you like to say thank you?)

Meals: (Who makes most of the meals and works at making them not only nutritious but also appetizing and enjoyable? How would you like to say thank you?)

Childcare: (Who contributes the most in taking care of the physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual needs of your children or those of a family or friend?) How would you like to say thank you?

Recreation/Entertainment: (Who has made all the difference in encouraging you to have wholesome fun on a routine basis; and/or help plan and have fun together? How would you like to say thank you?)

Reflection: (Who helps you keep things in perspective and your life in balance? How would you like to say thank you?)

Celebration: (Who always helps you celebrate a win in your life and just makes every day a celebration in some way? How would you like to say thank you?)

As you share your thanks, don’t be surprised if you get a few yourself along the way. It’s always sweet to give and receive.

Enjoying Memories of those Special Ones

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Since Thanksgiving is just around the corner, I’ve been thinking about those people who have made all the difference in my life over the years, both professionally and personally. No matter the challenges being faced today, I discovered those challenges are much less arduous when I remember Judy Worden who has always been there to encourage me, boost my faith in both God and humanity. I remember Nancy McIntosh, a friend and cheerleader for me, whose final heroic battle with melanoma cancer gave me a gift of love and compassion offered no other way.

I remember my counselor, Don Kinney, who made it safe to be healed from childhood abuse and learn how forgiveness brings healing to the body and soul. During that time, Cheri, one of my weaving students, helped me finish my master’s degree project on time, while I recovered from many physical ailments that my body kept score. Then a few years later, there were those special kids I tutored in math and English at a private Christian school who were a delight to help and share field trips to the local firehouse.

I surely can’t forget my first life coaching client, Paige Holloway, who kindly trusted our professional relationship throughout her own journey of discovery and renewal. And I would be definitely remiss if I left out my own family—sister, Paula; husband, John; my precious daughters, Kimberly and Kelly. Paula and I have grown closer than we have ever been even though I’m in Texas and she lives in California. I couldn’t ask for a sweeter person to share my life.

There is no way to count the times that my husband, John, and daughters were there to say “I love you” and “everything to going to be alright.” And of course, Dixie, our precious Brittany spaniel, and Smokey & Daisy, miniature schnauzers, who were our closest companions as we raised our daughters. No matter the tears or struggles, these “puppies” always jumped on our laps, gave us licks, and cheered us with their unique gifts of unconditional love.

In addition, my family will shortly be much larger with the marriage of my daughter, Kimberly, to David Rodriguez…the sweetest guy in the world for our daughter. So, with this Thanksgiving, take time to think about those special ones who make your life even more special. How would you like to say thank you to them?

You will be amazed at how just saying thank you can change a person’s life. There is nothing more important than to feel accepted, safe, and significant in one’s life. Your thank you can make all the difference for someone needing just a kind word or deed to lift them into hope, safety, and personal value as a human being—a life forever changed. You’ll never be the same either. Bet on it! In the next article, you’ll get tips on saying thank you from a simple card or phone call to maybe even a trip around the globe! So, if you miss saying thanks at thanksgiving, you will still have your chance with the following Friday article.